Apathy
by arineat
Summary: The war has turned Harry Potter into an apathetic shell of a man. As he searches for a way to combat the disease that leaves him hollow and broken, he finds the cure in the last person he ever expected. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to claim them, sadly I cannot. They belong to Madam JKR.

Warning: This fic contains mature content and sexual situations between men. If you don't like man/man action don't read!!

A/N: Hey look…It's a new fic! Lol. I didn't think I'd be writing one again so soon but this one kinda snuck up on me as I was finishing the end of Caught and begged to be written. So I did. I will warn you that it's nothing like Caught - it's a lot darker. Also it's my first foray into the first person narrative so here's hoping I didn't screw it up!

A million thanks to my Grey Matter twin, Digitallace for all her beta awesomeness and insightful input.

****

Apathy

Chapter 1

I stood in silence as yet another one of my friends was placed in the ground. Surrounded by sounds of grief and despair, I watched on with a stony face. I had long since ceased feeling anything. It was as if something inside of me had broken after the final battle and all that was left was this empty husk that reluctantly answered to the name of Harry Potter.

It wasn't as though I hadn't _tried _to feel something, anything. I _wanted _to grieve, to cry, to feel remorse that I lived when others had died. I wanted to hold Ginny close as her brother was laid to rest. To kiss her gently and tell her that everything was going to be all right, that we would get through the pain. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was hollow inside, I felt no pain, nor could I be bothered to comfort my ex-girlfriend.

I knew she wanted to rekindle our relationship, to start again, but how could I do that when I lacked the ability to feel? It wouldn't be fair to her. The Boy-Who-Lived may have stopped feeling true emotions but I still recognized that leading her on in that way would have been wrong.

When she brazenly broached the subject I had been forced to deny her. She had looked at me with tear-filled brown eyes, swimming in confusion and hurt and begged to know why I didn't love her any more. I hadn't known what to say, so had merely stared at her face blankly as she crumbled into misery before me. Once I would have longed to wrap her up and keep her safe from pain, not be the one causing it, but now I felt nothing but a calming sea of apathy as my lack of response served to heighten her distress and anger. She had shouted at me, telling me she never wanted to see me again. I waited to feel something, anything, some twinge of remorse or hurt that someone I had once cared so deeply for now hated me with such venom, but alas, nothing came.

Even when a red-faced and irate Ron had confronted me about Ginny, the numbness stayed true. I just stood there, unable to care that the best friend I'd had all my life was livid that I'd broken his baby sister's heart. When he demanded to know why, all I could do was shrug.

'I'm sorry, Ron, I just don't love her. I didn't think it would be fair to lead her on,' I had replied in a monotone voice.

The statement had taken a bit of steam from Ron as he seemed to consider the reasoning. I knew that he still hated that I had hurt Ginny, and the big brother in him was longing to punch me in the face, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to do it. Perhaps he saw that I was just trying to do the right thing or maybe he just couldn't do it because of our long-time friendship. Whatever the case, he merely sent me a vicious glare before storming off. I figured he needed some time away from me to think about things, which was fine with me. I wanted to be alone anyways.

I had watched him go, knowing I was supposed to call my friend back, to beg and plead with him to understand, to feel as though I'd let Ron down. Instead I had gone home, made myself a cup of tea, and stared blankly into the fire.

I was drawn from my musings as the Wizard officiating the mass voice drew silent, signifying the end of the funeral. I stayed long enough to pay my respects to the family, my eyes seeking Ron and Hermione from the crowd automatically. Ron stood close to Hermione, who rested her head on his shoulder, tears streaming down her face. When the redhead noticed my empty stare he merely sent a frown in my direction, his grip on Hermione tightening, as though to shield her from the lifelessness in my emerald gaze. Hermione looked up then, her eyes meeting my dead ones. Her face took on a look of concern as she shook Ron's arm off and started forward. I turned then, eager to get away from the curious girl, and Apparated straight for Grimmauld Place.

I knew I couldn't avoid my friends forever; we were all scheduled to start our seventh year over again in the autumn. I would eventually have to face them, but when I did I wanted to be able to show them that I was all right. The last thing I wanted or needed was Hermione nagging at me for my lack of emotion. No doubt the frizzy-haired witch would insist I go to St. Mungo's or some other such institute and see a counselor to help me cope with my newest abnormality. The last thing I wanted was to add my apathy to the list of freakish qualities I already possessed. No, I would find a way to fix this myself. It would just take a bit of time. I merely needed to retrain my heart to feel. Or at the very least train myself to fool those around me into believing that I wasn't emotionally dead inside.

Nodding my resolve to the empty room, I roused myself from my seat in front of the dwindling flames and made my way through the dreary childhood home of my dead godfather. I wondered at my ability to be so at ease in the house that once made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I suppose one could argue that I no longer felt threatened here because the home so thoroughly mirrored myself; hollow, dark, and utterly empty.

I entered my bedroom and got myself ready for bed. Going through the motions was easy enough; I showered, brushed my teeth, put on my pajamas and climbed into bed, never mind that my actions were robotic and stiff. I could still function. I could take care of myself, even if I was broken inside.

Laying my head back against the softness of the pillow I closed my eyes and waited placidly for sleep to claim me. I didn't have to wait very long. Soon I was sucked into a dream filled with visions of the final battle, death, destruction, and pain. I cried out in my sleep, fear rushing through me as I faced Voldemort once again, my friends and loved ones fighting all around me. I remembered the pain, the adrenaline, the fierce desire to destroy the megalomaniac before me. In my nightmare I relived every second of my last standoff with the Dark Lord, each and every last heart-wrenching and pain-filled second of it.

In the morning, I woke with a start, sitting up in bed as the fear and anguish coursed through me. I wanted to leap for joy. I could feel! Who cared if the emotions were painful, so long as I didn't feel dead inside any longer. Using all my willpower I struggled to keep a hold of them, desperate to feel complete and human again. My struggle was in vain. After just a few moments of wakefulness, I felt the emotions begin to fade.

I cried out as any and all feeling drained from me, once again leaving a dried out husk, with salty tears drying on an expressionless face.

****

Weeks passed and though I tried my hardest to train myself to feel again, I was left empty. I tried everything I could think of; flying could no longer induce the happiness and freedom it had once given, visiting my parent's grave failed to wring the usual feelings of sadness, regret and anger, not even Mrs. Black's ever present portrait could inspire feeling within me as she wailed her vile slander and curses at me.

The only human feeling I experienced was through the dream world, and often times these dreams were unpleasant; forever filled with blood, tears, and the scent of death. I relished every second of the nightmares, regardless of their never-ending horrors. Each night I went to bed, eager to feel full and alive, and each morning I mourned the inevitable loss of emotions. Nothing I did ever allowed me to hold onto them.

I was reduced to sitting in front of a mirror and practicing my reactions so that my friends would believe that I was the same old Harry. It was as though I was merely some form of machine programming myself to blend in and appear more human. After a few weeks I was beginning to master the necessary expressions, though none of them reached my eyes. It seemed that eyes truly were the windows to the soul as mine were as empty and barren as a windswept desert. I shrugged to myself. I would just have to keep practicing.

My voice was a bit harder to train. I had to make sure the inflections were perfect, the tone conveying just the right amount of emotion for any given situation. It took longer than the facial expressions, but eventually I was sure I had the skill honed to perfection, or at least as perfect as I was going to get it.

By the time the school year came around again I was as ready as I could be. As I Apparated to Kings Cross and stepped onto Platform nine and three quarters I felt confident I would be able to drift through my final school year without arousing too much suspicion.

****

The ride to Hogwarts was strained at best. Ron was still upset with me for hurting Ginny and though Hermione tried to mend the gap, she wasn't doing too well. Between my lack of motivation and her fear of alienating Ron, she found herself floundering. The trip was the most subdued and tension-filled one since we had started at Hogwarts.

When we arrived, I did my best to put my self-taught façade into action, greeting Neville, Seamus and Dean with as much enthusiasm as I could fake. They looked at me with strange expressions, clearly not buying my act, but greeting me anyways. They most likely sensed the tension between Ron and I as we moved around the dorm room avoiding each other and were attributing my strange behavior to that.

Over the next few weeks it became obvious to me that I wasn't nearly as proficient at fooling others as I had thought. My friends were clearly worried about me, Ron and Hermione were constantly watching me as if they thought I would break without supervision. Any time I got the chance, I practiced my facial expressions. At night I would cast silencing spells around my bed and work on my intonation, though to be honest I wasn't that great at discerning what sounded sincere. The more I tried to fit in, the less I cared. I had tried cheering charms but all they served to do was paste a leering grin on my face that made me seem even more off-putting when coupled with my monotone indifference.

I continued to wallow in the dream world, tormented by the images that haunted me, but unwilling to take a Dreamless Sleep potion to escape the horror of it. It was sick and twisted, but I couldn't bring myself to give up those precious moments of feeling, even if I did wake up screaming more than half the time. I treasured those emotions and dreaded waking to feel them leave me empty again.

Ron and Hermione were constantly trying to keep me occupied with different activities, obviously trying to find something that would bring back some form of genuine emotion and bring me back to some semblance of who I used to be. Ron tried games; chess, exploding snap, and Quidditch. Hermione, being who she was, decided to try and stimulate my mind with piles of homework and books. None of it worked. I did my best to feign excitement, happiness - and in the case of Hermione's study sessions, exasperation - but inside I was still hollow, unable to even appreciate the effort they were going to.

Throughout their efforts, neither of them actually approached me about _why _I was so out of sorts. I had heard them whispering furiously about it more than once, Hermione desperate to ask what was wrong and Ron unsure of whether or not to breach the subject at all. Whenever I made myself known they would stop their whispering and paste smiles on their faces, pretending as though everything was fine. If I had been able to feel, I might have been amused at their attempt at feigning innocence, their weak smiles making my attempts at happiness look genuine, and the irony of it all.

Eventually it seemed that they were running out of ideas and motivation, clearly discouraged and frustrated by my indifference and the constant failure they encountered. They began to drift away from me, becoming more involved with each other and their relationship than trying to draw me back to normalcy. I didn't blame them for their wavering attention. After all I was hardly helping them in their efforts and rarely showed any form of enthusiasm for their hard work.

I still studied with them, ate meals, and walked to class with them, determined to at least keep up the appearance that we were still the happy trio we had been over the past years. Even that slowly digressed. I was constantly thrust into the role of the third wheel - and not a very interesting one at that - in class, during study sessions, and especially during weekend trips to Hogsmeade. Ron and Hermione would try to bring me into their conversations as much as possible before eventually drifting off together for a romantic tryst, leaving me alone in the village with nothing to do.

It finally became clear that they were giving up on me one Monday morning at breakfast. We headed downstairs, sat in our usual seats and Ron and I listened as Hermione launched into her daily speech of what she was looking forward to in class. As she spoke we each piled our plate high with food and tucked in, Ron and I stealthily dodging yet another lecture about unfinished homework. As topic veered from school books and lessons, I found myself drifting from my charade, losing track of the conversation as I my mind shifted into blankness. My two best friends chatted animatedly with one another, oblivious as I sank deeper into my solitary darkness, eating mechanically. I stared into space, unable to register Hermione's voice as she said my name.

'Harry, are you coming? It's time for Charms,' I finally heard her say, her forceful tugging on my arm helping to partly break through my zombie-like state of consciousness.

'Yeah, I'm coming,' I heard myself say, though I didn't actually move to comply. Taking me at my word, Hermione turned to Ron and dragged him up. It was only as she and Ron rose from the table that I managed to shake myself completely out of the fog that had overcome me. Blinking rapidly, I gathered my stray books and tossed them into my school bag as I called out for them to wait for me. Neither of them seemed to hear my call and they kept walking, deep in conversation, unaware that I had fallen behind. I called once more in vain as they rounded the corner ten feet in front of me.

As I jogged to catch up with them, I looked through my bag, double checking that I had the right text book. Suddenly, due to my lack of attention, I collided with something warm and solid, my bag and all of its contents flying through the air at impact.

'Fuck, Potter, would you watch where you're going?' a familiar voice drawled.

Shaking my head a bit I looked up from the ground and into the molten silver eyes of Draco Malfoy. Hatred burned bright and clear in those grey orbs and suddenly I felt a flash of heat coursing through me. My heart stuttered in my chest and I was momentarily breathless as I stared at him, emotions surging through my dead limbs, burning away the fog of apathy that had encased me.

'You have eyes too, Malfoy,' I bit back, surprising myself at the genuine rancor that laced my tone as I rose to collect my belongings that littered the floor.

'Clearly if you had been paying attention, I could have avoided having to soil my perfect body by touching you. What, because you're the bloody Savior of the Wizarding World you can't be arsed to watch where you're going? Oh no, all eyes must naturally be on you so everyone else can move to accommodate your swollen ego,' he sneered at me.

'Get stuffed, Malfoy,' I countered, pushing the last of my school supplies into my bag and standing to face the blond as a group of students stopped to watch our exchange.

'Where's your little entourage, oh great Savior?' Malfoy taunted as he noticed I was on my own, his face contorting with a look of malicious hate.

'None of your business,' I replied, unable to ignore the sting of pain that shot through me as I thought of the friends I had unintentionally pushed away.

'I bet they couldn't stand to be around you anymore. It's pretty pathetic when a dirty mudblood and penniless weasel have given up on being your friend,' he sneered.

'Like you're any better?' I replied viciously, eager to retain the strength of emotion pouring through me, at any cost. 'Where's your little band of followers? Oh that's right, they're all dead, or rotting in Azkaban. Talk about pathetic.' I knew it was a terrible thing to say, even as the image of Crabbe succumbing to the Fiendfyre came unbidden to my mind, but the emotions those words elicited in the blond's eyes were mirrored in my soul and I drank them in, clinging to them with jagged nails. I was feeling again, and it was something other than fear, anguish and death.

Suddenly the anger bubbling between us reached its boiling point and before I knew what was happening, Malfoy had lowered his head and launched himself at me, tackling me to the ground. The crowd that had begun to gather gasped in surprise and then began to cheer us on, more students joining their ranks with each passing moment. My initial shock wore off quickly and we were soon wrestling violently on the floor, fists flying, the air filling with the sounds of knuckles on flesh, bones popping and the violent grunts and growls of a war being waged. I managed to get Malfoy on his back and straddled his hips, pinning him to the floor as I rained blow after blow into his smug, aristocratic face, desperate to permanently wipe the sneer from his features.

All of the sudden, Malfoy bucked his hips and we were rolling, his knee planting itself into my stomach, causing me to shut my eyes in pain as the blow stole the air from my lungs. He pressed his advantage, reversing our positions and gaining the upper hand. I opened my eyes just in time to see his fist flying into my face, the blow breaking my glasses and sending one half flying in a graceful arch into the crowd. I threw my arms up, trying to block his blows as well as deliver some of my own, growling as wave after wave of delicious rage coursed through me, and my heart pounded with joy at the sensation.

It wasn't long before the cheers and shouts from the students surrounding us gained attention.

'Mr. Potter! Mr. Malfoy! That is _quite _enough!' The sharp voice of Headmistress McGonagall cut through the air, causing me to pause as the sea of students parted to reveal her glowering form. With a casual flick of her wrist, Malfoy was being torn from atop my body, floating through the air frozen in mid-swing by his collar, his eyes furious.

After a moment she relented and the blond was set abruptly on his feet and allowed to move again. He glared first at Professor McGonagall and then at me, though I was too busy staring into her disapproving eyes to return the look of hatred. Slowly, I levered myself from the floor, my bruised body protesting. I stared at the angry Scottish woman with a sheepish look on my face, one half of my destroyed glasses swinging precariously from my right ear.

'Professor…' I began, hoping to quell some of the anger in her eyes.

'Silence. The two of you. My office. Now. March!' she barked, the long sleeve of her robe swishing dangerously as her hand snapped out, pointing the way to her office. I cast a quick _Accio _to retrieve the other half of my glasses as Malfoy and I hurried to comply, repairing them discreetly as we scurried down the hallway as fast as we could without running.

'And the rest of you, shouldn't you be in class?' I heard her bark out, sending the remaining spectators into a rush of activity, the sound of their scuffling shoes reminiscent of cockroaches fleeing from a bright light.

McGonagall caught up quickly, her robes swishing as she passed us and approached the entrance to her office, barking the password as she went. The gargoyle hopped aside and she swept up the stairs, Malfoy and I trailing behind her as slowly as we dared.

My heart pounded and I felt both a sense of elation and trepidation. On one hand I was over the moon, the feelings hadn't faded and I was riding high on them, loving every minute. On the other, those feelings were composed of nervousness, shame and guilt at the look McGonagall leveled at me as she settled herself at her desk; a look filled with disappointment and annoyance. She sat there, hands folded tightly against the desk's surface, glaring at each of us in turn before speaking.

'Sit,' she snapped. We obeyed at once, our knees bending simultaneously, as though we were under the influence of the Imperius curse.

'What, may I ask, did you think you were doing rolling around on the corridor floor like a couple of ill-behaved wombats?' the Headmistress demanded, her voice deadly quiet.

'I…we…' I stuttered, trying to best explain the events, but unable to form the words.

'Potter started it,' Malfoy piped up, his tone childish.

'What?! I did not, you lying little ferret,' I cried, turning immediately to glare my hatred at him, delicious emotions surging through me once more.

'Enough!' McGonagall shouted.

I turned back to her immediately, my mouth snapping shut with the force of that one word. Malfoy was wise enough to say nothing, though his face remained rebellious.

'I don't care who _started _it, nor do I care why it began. You two are grown wizards, of legal age, and here you are fighting like a couple of first years. This ridiculous grudge has got to end. I have put up with it for over seven years and I've had quite enough. Your return to this institution is a privilege, not an obligation and as such you are expected to treat these hallowed halls and each other with the respect and dignity that I would expect from grown men. I would have thought after everything you two have been through that this petty rivalry would have ceased being important, in the sight of much more devastating events. It appears I was mistaken. No matter. I will not tolerate it any longer. As of today if I catch you two so much as looking at one another the wrong way you will be expelled, is that understood?'

'Expelled?' I repeated, shocked at the harsh sentence.

'That is correct, Mr. Potter. As I said, you are not required to be here as a student, you were _invited_ back. I will not have my school plagued by the Potter/Malfoy feud this year. We all deserve to have a bit of peace after the trauma of last year and I will not jeopardize that for anyone. Not even you. Is that understood?'

'Yes, Professor,' I replied, appropriately humbled by her reasoning.

'Mr. Malfoy?' she asked, her steely gaze turning to the blond.

'Fine,' he answered stiffly. She raised an eyebrow at his tone but said nothing.

'Very well. That is all. Off to class, you two, and remember, no fighting,' she said, dismissing us with a stern wave of her hand.

Not needing to be told twice, Malfoy and I rose from our seats and made for the door. We were silent on the way down the spiral steps, waiting until the gargoyle took up its usual place at the entrance before turning to glare at one another. We stood there a moment with the tension between us building ferociously and no way to release it.

'I hate you, Potter,' Malfoy growled finally, his lip curling in derision.

'I hate you too, Malfoy,' I responded with a smile, nearly giddy with the realization that I could honestly say that I felt nothing but abject loathing for the blond coursing through my veins like a drug. With that parting shot I turned and headed down the corridor toward Gryffindor Tower, fighting the urge to skip down the hall like an idiot. It was a miracle. The emotions were still there. Somehow fighting with Malfoy had triggered something inside of me and washed away the apathy.

I could feel.

****

A/N: Tell me what you think :heart:


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to claim them, sadly I cannot. They belong to Madam JKR.

Warning: This fic contains mature content and sexual situations between men. If you don't like man/man action don't read!!

A/N: Alright everyone so I thought I would tell you all that my posting schedule will be a bit longer than normal - rather than posting every few days I'll only be posting around once a week. This story has fewer chapters than Caught, but they are much longer so I hope that serves to balance it out a bit. It will only be about 7 chapters long.

Thanks to the few wonderful readers who reviewed! It really makes my day to see your comments :heart:

As always thanks to Digitallace for her support and beta fantastcal-ness :hugs:

****

Apathy

Chapter 2

Four hours, thirty-six minutes and approximately seven seconds later, as I headed down to dinner, the emotions I'd won from my fight with Malfoy abruptly disappeared. It was as though a trapdoor had been released and they had fallen through without warning. I nearly collapsed on the stairs at the sudden emptiness that overwhelmed me. Unlike the gradual fading of feelings that happened each morning when I awoke from a dream, the fight induced revival of my soul simply ended, leaving me gasping in mild surprise.

'Harry, are you okay? Is it your scar?' Hermione asked, her voice filled with worry and she and Ron reached to help me stand again.

'No, it's nothing. I'm fine, 'Mione,' I replied, my voice breathy and slightly off as I tried to reassure her. I suppose it made sense for her to think something was happening with my scar, despite the fact that it hadn't given me any trouble since I'd killed Voldemort. After all, not much else could have brought me to my knees so quickly in the past.

Once the initial shock wore off, I stood straight, shook my head slightly and continued down the stairs, a confused Ron and Hermione following closely behind me.

'What happened?' Ron asked as they caught up, flanking me on either side, their usual positions.

'Nothing, just got a little dizzy that's all,' I said nonchalantly, though inside I was wondering exactly the same thing. What had happened? I thought my fight with Malfoy had finally cured me and now I was somehow even emptier than before, the emotions ripped violently from me with no warning or explanation.

'Maybe I didn't eat enough today,' I tried, hoping to give Hermione a lecture to latch onto so she wouldn't guess that there was something worse going on. I hadn't had much of an appetite since the war and I had no doubt that she had noticed it. I was more than prepared to have her gripe at me during mealtimes so long as it kept her from following me around all day asking questions that I couldn't answer. From my peripheral vision I could see the doubt etched on both of their faces as they exchanged a look behind my back, obviously wondering why I had suddenly reverted back to the somber, detached version of myself.

Things earlier that afternoon had been great. After the fight with Malfoy, I had been on an ultimate high of emotions and for those fleeting hours, things had been right between the three of us again. We had joked and laughed with each other like we had before the war and all the horrors that had come with it. Like we had before I was broken. Ron and Hermione hadn't questioned my sudden one hundred and eighty degree turn in personality, but simply looked relieved and gone with it. Now, though, I could see the confusion and worry returning to them as I slid back into the role I'd been trying so hard to perfect. We made our way down to dinner in silence, though I knew Hermione and Ron were once again having a silent conversation with one another.

As I sat in the Great Hall, diving back into my usual routine of pretending to listen to the conversation around me, I pondered the origin of my newest emotional inspiration. What was it about the fight that had brought anger and excitement bubbling to the surface? Was it simply the act of fighting or was it something to do with Malfoy?

I shuddered lightly to myself at the idea that Malfoy could have anything to do with the revival of my former self. My heart sped up as the mere thought of Malfoy sent the tiniest sliver of irritation through me. There was no way that ferret of a boy could affect me so deeply; especially not if my friends and the people I had loved couldn't induce it. Perhaps it was something to do with the physical contact that had preceded the altercation? The combination of touch and fighting could be the key to ridding myself of the numbness. All I had to do was test it.

****

_I screamed and thrashed around on the ground, the pain of the _Cruciatus _curse flowing through me in wave after agonizing wave. Finally the spell lifted and I stumbled to my feet, casting a cutting curse at my attacker, tearing their body to shreds, blood flying outward from his body, coating my face in hot splatters as he screamed out his last breath and collapsed at my feet. _

_I raced onward, cutting down Death Eaters in my path with curse after curse as my friends dropped like flies around me. I heard someone scream and suddenly Colin Creevey was standing in front of me, br6wn eyes wide with shock and pain. My arms shot out to catch him as he fell, hands meeting the raw meat of his back, blood flowing over my fingers as I fought not to be sick from the feel of torn flesh. He died in my arms, his life sacrificed for mine, and I couldn't keep myself from screaming as waves of guilt and pain overwhelmed me. _

'_Harry,' he called_

_Startled, I looked down into his face, searching for signs of life in his glassy eyes._

'_Harry!'_

'_Colin?'_

'Harry wake up, mate. It's just a nightmare, come on,' Ron called, ripping me from the dream with harsh shakes.

I shot up out of bed like a bullet, only narrowly missing smashing my head into Ron's as he jumped back.

'Fuck!' I cried as I felt my emotions leave, fleeing faster than they ever had before. I buried my head in my hands as I willed them to stay. As always, they began dissolving the moment I took notice of them. It was still dark out, though there were bits of grey streaking the night sky. I still had hours before I had to be up, hours left to feel and they had been stolen from me.

'You alright, mate?' Ron asked warily, placing a hand on my shoulder.

'No, I'm not bloody okay! Damn you! I had at least three hours left and now it's gone…they're all gone,' I growled, tapping into the last of the anger that flowed through me as I violently shoved Ron away.

I glared at the redhead for a moment longer before my face fell into that all-too familiar mask of placid nothingness. He looked shocked at first by my outburst, and then confused as he watched the anger abruptly fade from me. I watched calmly as emotions flowed over his face before he seemed to settle for his own anger.

'I was just trying to help,' he said, his voice petulant.

'I know. Just, don't, okay?' I replied.

'Fine,' he snapped before turning on his heel and returning to his bed, sliding the curtains closed with unnecessary force.

There went my theory. Obviously fighting wasn't the answer. Or at least it wasn't the only answer. Fighting with Ron hadn't had any affect on me, other than to make me feel bad during the last few moments of freedom I had before being sucked under the sea of numbness again.

Sighing lightly to myself, I slumped back down, closed my eyes and tried my best to fall back into the dream. After nearly an hour, I managed to fall asleep, but rather than returning to my nightmare, I slid into cold empty blankness.

*****

The next morning it was obvious Ron wasn't feeling any more forgiving than he had the night before. He didn't speak to me as he dressed and hurried from the room to meet Hermione for breakfast. I followed a few minutes later, heading by myself out of the portrait hole. As I entered the Great Hall I noticed him whispering to Hermione, and by the look on her face I could tell he was explaining what had happened. They fell silent as I slid onto the bench across from them and began to compile my breakfast. I said nothing, ignoring Hermione's pointed stare as I buttered my scone. After a few moments she seemed unable to control herself and burst into speech.

'Harry, are you okay?' she asked.

'Of course, Hermione, why do you ask?' I replied.

'You seem…different.'

'Nope, I'm the same,' I insisted with an attempt at a smile.

'No, you're not the same. You're not acting like you. You haven't been for weeks and it's starting to really scare us,' she insisted.

'I don't know what you mean,' I said, looking back down at my scone.

'Damn it, Harry! First you break up with Ginny, break her heart without even flinching, and then you wander around here like an Inferi and expect us not to notice. We thought things were getting back to normal the other day and then you just collapsed on the stairs and it was like you didn't have a personality any more. And last night, when you finally showed a bit of life, it was to bite Ron's head off for trying to help you out of a nightmare. What the hell is going on with you?'

'It's nothing, Hermione, I'm fine,' I replied.

'Fine,' she parroted, glaring at me. 'If you don't want to tell us what's wrong, that's fine, but we're done. Come find us when you're ready to talk about what's _really _going on,' she huffed, dragging Ron from the bench as she rose and stalked out of the Hall.

I wanted to feel bad about upsetting them that way, wanted to tell them what was really bothering me, but I just couldn't. It was better this way. I'd find a cure for this affliction by myself and once I did I would explain everything to them and things could go back to how they were. At least that way I wouldn't have to worry about faking emotions and trying to convince them of how normal I was. I didn't want to see their faces when I told them I didn't feel human any more; that I was just a robot, a shell of my former self. They wouldn't understand. I could imagine the shock and horror on their faces as I confessed. Hermione would probably try to help, approach the situation armed with books and academic advice, but in the end it wouldn't work. Ron probably wouldn't know what to do. Hell, _I _didn't know what to do.

I looked down the Gryffindor table to where Ginny sat with her new boyfriend, a fellow Gryffindor from her year called Isaac Carmichael. They were sitting closely, heads bent together as they whispered to each other. Isaac must have complimented Ginny because her face flushed red and she turned coyly away, pleasure obvious in her brown eyes and a look on her face that at one time only I could invoke. I should have been jealous, upset, heartbroken that the bashful, besotted expression on her face had been inspired by another bloke, but once again I felt nothing but emptiness. This wasn't how things were meant to be. I should have been the one gently nuzzling Ginny, coaxing sweet kisses from her as we sat surrounded by our friends, teasing us and pretending to be bothered by our public display of affection.

Ron and Hermione were supposed to be there by my side, 'Mione making sickeningly sweet noises of approval while Ron gagged and lightheartedly warned me away from his sister. Someday Ginny and I were supposed to get married and have babies, make a family and grow old together. I wished there was some way to get things back to the way they were. I wanted to get my life back on track and escape the perpetual darkness that surrounded me on a daily basis, but how?

My head lifted and my eyes sought Malfoy's form of their own accord. I knew the answer. I hated to admit it but the solution to my problems seemed to lay with the blond Slytherin across the Hall. If it was as simple as fighting and insults my rows with Ron and Hermione should have taken care of things, but I felt as empty now as I did before. The only option unexplored was that it wasn't the act of physical violence that had opened the floodgates to my hidden emotions, but Malfoy himself. Something about my infuriating nemesis reached into my soul and wrenched away the chains that bound me so deeply.

The obvious answer to my problem was to somehow interact with Malfoy and use him to unleash my feelings again but there were quite a few problems with that line of action. First, I didn't want anything to do with Malfoy. I hated the bastard and the last thing I wanted to do was clue him in on the fact that I was defective. The second problem with that was trying to figure out just how I could go about using him if even one more fight would result in the two of us being expelled? It's not as if we could somehow make up and be friends so that he could help me heal. The idea was laughable, even to someone drowning in apathy. Finally, how the hell would I get the blond to actually agree to meet me? He was bound to be suspicious and whose to say he would even show up to discuss the possibility?

I lowered my head, sighing heavily down at my half eaten plate of food as I toyed at the remains with my fork. The main question was; would it be worth putting up with Malfoy? Would the benefits outweigh the negative aspects? How badly did I want my old life back? I looked back down the table just in time to see Isaac lay a soft kiss on Ginny's mouth before the pair rose from the table and left the Hall together, hand in hand, and I knew it was worth it. I had to get back to my old life at any cost. If that meant subjecting myself to Malfoy and his bullshit than so be it.

So what I had to do was arrange for us to fight - fighting was all that we knew how to do; the only viable option - without anyone knowing. I would have to invite him to duel after hours, where no one would interrupt us and we'd be out of the watchful eye of McGonagall. Then there was the tiny, ever so miniscule, detail of getting Malfoy to meet me to discuss things, let alone to agree to help.

My gaze returned to the blond as I pondered what I could say to convince him. As I formulated my plan, grey eyes looked up at me and our gazes locked, heat and contempt glittered in those molten depths, wiping all thought from my mind. A foreign emotion shot through me at the look and I nearly smiled at the feeling. Rather than analyze the heady shot of emotional adrenaline the blond provided, I simply sat back and enjoyed it, knowing it wouldn't last long. Who would have thought Draco Malfoy would be the one to fill me? It was unfathomable, yet inarguable. One look from him and I was no longer engulfed in darkness. Hate was a powerful thing, and it seemed it would be my savior.

*****

I rushed through the rest of my dinner, hardly tasting the food as I hurried to finish quickly, one eye on Malfoy the entire time. When he finally rose from the Slytherin table, I gulped down the rest of my Pumpkin Juice and rushed after him, doing my best not to call attention to myself as I followed him out of the Great Hall.

'Malfoy,' I called as the doors closed behind me, heading for the blond with determined strides. He turned briefly, eyebrow rising in an arrogant arch as he saw who was calling him out.

'Potter?' he replied, turning to face me, his posture defensive as I moved to stand toe-to-toe with him, craning my neck slightly to look up into his eyes.

'I need to talk to you,' I announced firmly.

'Sorry to disappoint, but I have nothing to say to you. Piss off, Potter,' he replied as he turned and began to saunter away.

Anger sang through my blood at his refusal. That bastard was my only hope and I wasn't about to give up. He was at least going to hear me out, even if I had to force him. Taking a quick look around to make sure no one would witness it, I rushed Malfoy from behind, wrapping my arms around his waist and wrenching him from the corridor and into an abandoned classroom.

'What the bloody fuck do you think you're doing, you fucking twat? Get your disgusting Gryffindor hands off of me!' Malfoy raged, flailing around as I flung him into the room, casting locking and silencing charms on the classroom door.

'You are going to hear me out, one way or another, Malfoy,' I told him, my eyes blazing with the fierce conviction I felt.

'I don't have to listen to a single thing you have to say, Potter. Let me out of here at once!' he demanded as he pulled out his wand and began attempting to remove the spells I had cast. I moved to lean against a dusty desk, silently thanking Hermione for teaching me the spells as I watched him curse and struggle with the door, failing to make any dent in the charms. They were a lot stronger and more complex than standard spells most wizards used and could only be undone by the caster.

'You aren't getting out of here until I allow it so you may as well stop fighting with the door and just hear me out,' I reasoned calmly. 'Besides you look like a right git battling an inanimate object.' He swung on his heels, his eyes promising a slow and painful death as he glared at me, and my heart filled with anticipation. How had I ever thought this boy cold? He was alight from the inside, the fire of his passion and fury warming me to the core as the heat of his emotions seeped into me, burning away the emptiness and leaving life in its wake. He stood there for a moment, breath coming in frustrated gasps as he seemed to consider the situation.

'Fine. What the fuck do you want, then? Speak,' he demanded, furious but obviously seeing no other way to gain his freedom.

'I have a proposition for you,' I began. His eyes widened at the statement before his face took on an amused expression.

'Is that so? Merlin, Potter, I didn't know you swung my way. Too bad I would rather shag a Hippogriff,' he replied with a caustic smirk.

'I…what? No! That's not what I meant you pervert!' I squeaked, my face heating as a dark blush stole over my cheeks at his suggestion.

'Really? Pity. It would have been so much fun to tell all your fans that their hallowed Savior is just a dirty little poof. If not that, then what?' he asked, that infuriating smirk still gracing his pale face.

'You hate me, I hate you and that will never change,' I said.

'Yeah, and your point?' he asked, raising an elegant eyebrow.

'So, we should do something about it.'

'Such as?'

'Fight,' I answered simply.

'Are you daft or have you forgotten McGonagall's threat? I'm not about to be expelled because of you,' he sneered.

'McGonagall is adamant that we not fight in the _halls_. What I'm proposing is for us to let off a bit of steam with one another and fight behind closed doors. We make an agreement; no one finds out. It'll just be me and you, wands and fists with no referees or interruptions.'

'You're mad. Why the hell would I want to do that?' he asked, looking at me as though I'd suggested we swim naked with the Giant Squid under the full harvest moon.

'Just think about it. The bloke who put your father in Azkaban, tormented you and your family, brought you off of your pedestal and ruined your family name, ready and willing to let you vent all that frustration on him with no consequences,' I said, playing on his hatred of me and trying to paint the most appealing picture I could.

His silver eyes gleamed in the muted light of the classroom as he pictured the scenario I painted. He wanted it; to punish me for all the wrongdoings he felt I had committed against him. He wanted to hurt me almost as much as I wanted - _needed _him to.

'I would be lying if I said it wasn't appealing. What are the terms?' he asked, his eyes cold and unreadable, refusing to give anything away as he considered the offer.

'No Unforgivables, no permanent damage, and no one knows about our meetings but us,' I said.

'What's in this for you?' the blond asked, his face awash with Slytherin curiosity.

'Like I said, I'm looking to blow off a bit of steam,' I explained vaguely.

'No, I don't believe that. If you were just looking for some sort of tension relief you could just go shag the Weaslette, play some Quidditch or whatever else you Gryffindors do to amuse yourselves. No, there's something else. What has you coming to me?'

'I'm getting sick of your questions. Final stipulation; no questions. We aren't here to get to know each other or become friends; we're here to fight. Do you want to do this or not?' I snapped, refusing to discuss my reasoning with Malfoy. He shouldn't know just what kind of power he had over me. Just how deeply he could affect me or my emotions.

'Fine. Keep your reasons to yourself. I really don't care so long as I get a chance to fuck up that poster boy face of yours,' he replied, grinning maniacally as he raised his wand and fired a curse at me, the red beam of light only narrowly missing me as I dove and rolled, coming to stand with my wand pointed at him.

'Cheap shot, Malfoy,' I said, my heart thrumming in excitement as adrenalin pour through my veins. He merely smirked and began to move. I moved with him, keeping him in my sights, and soon we were circling each other in a macabre dance.

'You never said we had to play fair,' he pointed out before casting a singing hex at me.

I barely managed to block it with a shield charm before firing my own curse back at him, his hair swinging out on the right side as it whizzed a millimeter from his head. The scent of singed hair filled the air and his face turned murderous.

'You burnt my hair, you stupid fuck. Now you'll have to pay,' Malfoy proclaimed.

With that, he began casting spells in earnest and soon the room was filled with the dazzling lights of the curses flying from our wands as we dueled. I was forced to duck and weave, exhausting my knowledge of curses to the limit. Malfoy, it turned out, was quite a fierce duelist. We fought for what felt like hours, hatred and anger crackling between us, fueling the viciousness of our curses. It was thrilling to fight with the blond, to watch his face, so full of concentration as he sought to cause me as much pain as possible. He really was magnificent to look at.

That last thought stopped me in my tracks and as I froze, the Slytherin took the opening offered and soon I was on the ground writhing in pain. The curse felt like a thousand needles stabbing my skin, the stings infused with searing pain. It wasn't quite the _Cruciatus _curse but one could easily say it came from the same family. After a few moments, the pain finally eased long enough for me to fire my own curse at Malfoy. He dodged it easily, but the distraction allowed me enough time to regain my feet. We fought for a few more moments before I realized that I wasn't feeling as much as I had before.

As exciting as fighting with wands was, as wonderful as it was to feel again, I realized that this was but a mere shadow of emotion when compared to what was wrought from the confrontation we had in the hallway. It wasn't nearly as intense. It was too impersonal, too detached. I needed something more. I needed physical contact. The thought consumed my mind, and the moment Malfoy raised his wand - intent on firing another curse - I rushed him. His eyes widened a split second before I crashed into him, sending his wand flying and clattering to the floor as we fell to the ground in a tangle of arms and legs.

'Potter, you stupid fucker,' he hollered as his head hit the floor with a loud crack.

I didn't hear any of the abuse he shouted at me. I was too consumed by the flood of energy, excitement and emotion that overwhelmed me as I wrestled with him, fists flying. The duel had been nothing compared to this. Touching Malfoy - hitting him that is - was unlike anything else. It sent fire racing through my veins and brought me to life in a way nothing else could. I nearly moaned at the full force of the emotions that coursed through me. Malfoy was the true key to unlocking the bonds of apathy. He was the cure.

Each blow I delivered, every punch that he landed on me, served to heighten the intensity of the moment, the pain stoking the fire inside of me even higher. He growled at me as I landed a harsh punch to his kidney, his face contorting in muted pain as his eyes burned into mine. I smiled at him, a feral grin that only served to anger him more. Somehow, moments later, I was the one on my back, Malfoy straddling me as he took the advantage and gained the upper hand. I struggled below him, my blood pumping in a heady dance around my veins. It felt so good to just let go. I was lost in a haze of pleasure and contentment as he rained blow after blow down upon me.

Suddenly, Malfoy shifted in my lap, his thigh brushing roughly against my groin. Without warning I was coming hard and fast, releasing a pressure I hadn't even known was there, my erection throbbing deliciously as I moaned uncontrollably at the sensation. I rode out the waves of pleasure mindlessly. The moment I was spent, I froze, wide eyed, staring up into the shocked face of the blond hovering over me. We stayed there for what seemed like ages before my brain fully registered what had just happened. I watched as Malfoy's face went from shock, to confusion, to intrigue before settling on a wicked grin that had my heart slamming against my rib cage.

It was that feral look he had that got me finally springing into action. I struggled with his weight as I fought to free myself, moving backwards on my hands and legs in a crab walk, stuttering as I tried to think of what to say.

'I…um…good fight. I have to go. I'll…um…I'll owl you,' I stammered as I gathered my wand and moved to the door, trying to ignore the cooling wetness in my trousers as well as the intense gaze the blond kept on me as he sat, utterly still, in the middle of the room and watched me panic. My hand shook violently as I waved my wand and released the spells, and fumbled with the door handle.

Once I finally managed to wrench the door open I flew out of the room as fast as I could, not slowing down until I reached the boy's bathroom one floor up. I couldn't head back to Gryffindor Tower looking as though I'd gotten mauled by a bear and reeking of sex. I splashed some cool water on my face and stared at my reflection as I waited for my heart rate to slow. My face was bruised, the right cheek swelling, my top lip split and bleeding. My hair was even more of a crow's nest than usual, sticking out on end from the scuffle; my clothes were ripped and skewed. I looked thoroughly debauched and, surprisingly, I loved it.

My eyes were bright and glittering, full of life as I took in my own appearance. I was alive and full again and it was amazing. I didn't know how long I would have before the apathy took over again, but I swore to myself that I would enjoy every second that I was free of my emotional prison.

I cast a few charms on myself, repairing my clothes and healing my face as much as possible. I used a glamour charm on anything I couldn't heal myself before making a note to brush up on my healing charms - if this thing with Malfoy was to be a regular occurrence, I would certainly need them. As I moved to clean my trousers, my mind flashed back to the moment I had come, a shiver of excitement flaring through me as I relived the event. It had been so long since I'd had an orgasm I had almost forgotten what they felt like. It had been so intense, even the memory of it had my cock stirring again.

What the fuck? Just the memory of having Malfoy above me was stirring my lust once more. Why was fighting with Malfoy turning me on? I really was broken. Damaged. How could that twat get me hard? I shook my head in abject denial. He couldn't be the cause of my erection, at least not him personally. It wasn't _him _that turned me on, but the rush of emotions that he gave me, the excitement of feeling as well as the physical contact. That had to be it. I wasn't gay and even if I was, Malfoy was the last person I'd get off with. This had all been just an unfortunate accident. Nothing to worry about. I nodded to my reflection, convinced by my internal pep talk.

Now I just had to wait and see what Malfoy's reaction would be. Surely he had noticed me coming in my trousers. I mean, I had gripped his arms and pulled him closer, grinding into his thigh like a bitch in heat, there was no way he didn't know what had happened. Was there?

My mind flashed back to the predatory look he had trained on me as I made my hasty escape and a shiver went through me. I swallowed harshly, leaning over to splash more water on my face, cooling the blush that burned in my cheeks. Why would he smile at me like that? Like a wolf to a lamb trapped in a corner? Was he laughing at my hasty retreat? Did he think I was scared of him? That had to be it. What else could he have found amusing? Why would he have looked so happy about me getting off on our little encounter? There's no way he could have been aware of the actions of my traitorous cock and not been disgusted and horrified. He certainly wouldn't have allowed me to leave without mocking me over it. No, he wouldn't have been able to restrain himself. He must not have noticed.

I sighed in relief as that realization hit me. This was Malfoy, the Slytherin who lived to torment me. He wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to rub the incident in my face. I was safe. I just had to make sure it never happened again. The meetings were too important to lose now because of some stupid chemical reaction. If he asked about why I had left so abruptly I would make up some excuse and move on. There was no reason to change our arrangement. Everything would be fine. I was on the road to getting my life back and I wasn't about to fuck that up. We would fight again, I would get my emotions back and somehow I would find a way to keep them. That evening had merely been a fluke.

It wouldn't happen again.

****

A/N: Poor Harry...always trying to delude himself...:evil grin:

Please review as it makes me all tingly inside :heart:


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to claim them, sadly I cannot. They belong to Madam JKR.

Warning: This fic contains mature content and sexual situations between men. If you don't like man/man action don't read!!

A/N: I have decided to post Chapter 3 earlier than originally planned because I want to lol. Things begin to get interesting…

A million and one thanks to lovely Lexx, my twin of doom, for her beta and support :heart:

Thank you as always to all my faithful readers and reviewers. I hope you continue to enjoy the story and can't wait to hear more feedback. HUGS!

****

Apathy

Chapter 3

_I was trapped between the rigid body in front of me and a cold slab of stone, remnants of a fallen tombstone digging deep into my back. I struggled with my attacker, the hooded figure crushing the wind from my lungs as their fists pounded into me at a relentless pace. Suddenly, I got one arm free and swung it as hard as I could at the robed man, my fist connecting with my assailant's jaw, causing the hood to fall as his head snapped back. _

_A halo of light shined around his platinum blond hair as Malfoy's head lowered and I gazed up into his hate-filled face. With a growl, he wrenched me away from the stone I was held against and threw me to the ground, climbing on top of me to keep me in place. His hands grasped mine and wrenched them upwards, causing my shoulders to scream in protest at the sudden movement. I expected him to resume the beating he'd been delivering, but instead his face took on that same feral expression, his lips twisting into a vicious grin as his eyes glittered with predatory intent. _

_Suddenly, his head swooped down and he was kissing me, his mouth bruising and hard on mine as his hips thrust downward into mine, our erections meeting in a hot, violent motion. My head snapped back as a surge of lust and want sliced through me, ripping a moan from my mouth as his lips left mine to trail harsh bites down my neck. I gasped and moaned, arching up into the heat of his body, begging silently for more. He gave without needing to be asked, the pleasure of his hips combining with the pleasure of the pain he inflicted, and soon we were coming together, hard and hot, until we were both sticky with it…_

I woke with a startled cry, still caught in the throes of my orgasm, come still shooting in hot stripes inside my pajama bottoms. It was by far the most intense dream I'd ever had, so real and exciting. I couldn't believe it. I had just had an incredibly erotic and oddly satisfying wet dream about the one person I loathed more than anyone or anything. It was both titillating and terrifying.

Wait, terrifying? It was then that I realized that not only did I not just wake up screaming with visions of war and death, but that I could still feel. I scrunched my eyes up as the truth of that revelation poured over me, bracing myself for the inevitable loss of feeling that I was accustomed to. It didn't come. I could feel and it hadn't gone away. My heart leapt with joy as I kicked off the covers and hurried to the bathroom to shower. It was early but there was no way I could go to sleep and waste the emotions coursing through me.

I showered quickly and, seeing that my dorm mates were still in bed - and would most likely stay that way for a while - I decided to do something I hadn't been able to enjoy in a long time. Grabbing my broom, I raced down the stairs and headed for the pitch, making my way through the early morning fog with a skip in my step.

The moment I kicked off from the ground, I was free. My soul was soaring as I dipped and weaved through the early morning light. It was the most peaceful I'd ever been and the power of it brought tears to my eyes as I basked in the glory of the sky.

****

Two hours later I landed, crying out in frustration as I felt numbness stealing over me; crushing all the hard-earned emotion I had won from my 'session' with Malfoy and the dream I'd had. Apathy drained me of everything, even the initial frustration I felt as it returned, leaving me a hollowed out husk once again. No matter how hard I fought, I always lost the battle to keep feeling. With a muted sense of loss I put my broom over my shoulder and headed back to the castle.

I did my best to get through the day, trying to focus on my classes and failing miserably, my mind too busy running around in circles to be of any real use. It was horrible to be back in that place, just when I was beginning to feel normal again. Why did the emotions never stay? Every time I thought the feelings were back for good I was disappointed and nothing I could think of to keep them worked.

What bothered me most was that it was _Malfoy _that brought me back to life. The boy I'd hated for seven years running was the only person who could spark feelings inside of me and I didn't have a clue as to why. Why couldn't it have been Ginny that brought me back? I was supposed to be in love with her and yet nothing about her inspired the feeling that the Slytherin did. How could Malfoy affect me so deeply? I stopped that line of thought as soon as it came into my head, determined not to analyze it. It didn't matter _why _he could induce feeling, just that he could. I needed him, as loath as I was to admit it, even to myself. If I could find a way to make these emotions stick, I could be free of him and our little 'arrangement' and move on with my life. Alas, I had no idea as of yet how to beat the strength of the apathetic disease that stole over me, so for the moment I was stuck with the bastard.

The good news was that, so far, the rumor mill had been quiet as the grave. There were no whispers flying about, no obvious stares and no horribly exaggerated stories about me in the _Daily Prophet_, which meant that Malfoy definitely hadn't noticed anything two nights ago. The longer he stayed quiet, the more certain I was that I was in the clear. I was out of emotions, floundering on the bottom, and with the knowledge that Malfoy was oblivious to my faux pas, I felt it was time I get another round in.

Spurred on by the prospect of renewing my emotional state, I hurried up from the table, foregoing the rest of my lunch as I excused myself from my friends with a story about needing to use the loo, and made my way to Owlery instead. Once there, I pulled out a spare bit of parchment and scribbled a short missive on it.

_Meet me in the same place after curfew._

_-H_

I folded the parchment and moved to tie it to a standard school owl, foregoing using Hedwig not only because she was so recognizable, but also because she had a nasty penchant for biting the Slytherin. Normally I would appreciate the gesture but tonight the last thing I wanted was an abused and petulant Malfoy refusing to meet me.

I hesitated for a moment, note in hand, as thoughts of the dream I'd had the previous night entered my mind. Should I be meeting Malfoy when my subconscious was providing me with unwanted sexual fantasies about him in the middle of the night? What if it happened again? What if I couldn't control myself and I got hard and he noticed? I would never be able to explain it to him and I'd be screwed; everyone would know I was fucked up. But it wouldn't happen again. I had already decided it. One harmless little wet dream wouldn't change that. I wouldn't let it. Everything would be fine. Besides, I needed this. Shaking my head to clear the fog of doubt that had settled over me, I leaned over and swiftly tied the note to the school owl's leg and stepped back to stop myself from backing out.

When the owl pushed off its perch I stood a moment, watching it fly away, before making my way back to the Great Hall to meet my friends and make our way to the dungeons for potions. It was toward the end of the class that I received my answer in the form of a barely perceptible nod from Malfoy. He would be there. If I had been capable of feeling emotion I would have jumped for joy. Tonight I would feel alive again. I couldn't wait.

****

The classroom was dark as I entered, closing the door behind me as I slid my invisibility cloak off my shoulders. Figuring Malfoy hadn't arrived yet, I raised my wand to light to room, but as I opened my mouth to utter the spell I was interrupted by Malfoy's voice in the darkness.

'_Expelliarmus.'_

Without warning my wand flew from my hand and I was left defenseless. I squinted my eyes through the gloom, but could only make out the shadowy shape of Malfoy moving towards me.

'_Incarcerous.'_

Suddenly I was falling sideways, unable to keep my balance as my legs and arms were bound tightly by ropes. As I struggled with my bonds I could hear the Slytherin circling my prone body, tsking at me as though I were a naughty child who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

'So good of you to join me, Potter,' the blond drawled before conjuring dozens of floating candles, filling the room with what under different circumstances could be considered a romantic glow. As it was, romance was the last thing on my mind as fury at being tied up and placed at Malfoy's mercy coursed through my veins like fire, instantly dissolving the cloud of apathy.

'Let me go, Malfoy,' I growled through clenched teeth as I craned my neck awkwardly glare into his grey eyes.

'Oh, I don't really think you are in the position to be making demands, do you?' Malfoy asked in a pleasant voice. 'Excuse me a moment,' he said before he turned to face the door, casting several locking charms and a high-level silencing spell. As he worked on the door, I continued to struggle fruitlessly against my bonds, my arms and legs tingling as the blood fought to reach my hands and feet.

'Honestly, Potter, what are you doing?' Malfoy asked as he turned back to face me, his head cocked to the side as he looked at me, an evil smile gracing his aristocratic features.

'I'm going to get out of this and when I do, you'd better run you bloody bastard!' I cried, my eyes blazing hate and promising death. My histrionics merely gained me an amused grin as the blond took a few more moments to watch me flop around on the dusty floor, helpless.

'As amusing as it is to watch you wriggle like a worm on a hook, I'm afraid we must be moving on,' he announced. Suddenly I was being pulled upright, my arms rising in front of my body, as though pulled by an invisible string that brought my body upwards, stretching me out as I found myself raised from the grimy floor to hover in front of Malfoy. When I finally stopped moving, my toes barely brushed the floor of the classroom. All of my weight was supported, quite painfully, by my wrists, my arms firmly stretched above me, tied to the rafters of the ceiling through the invisible rope of magic that wound from Malfoy's wand. My heart pounded violently in my chest, fighting against my rib cage as though it would sprout wings and escape the body that held it captive.

'What are you doing, Malfoy? This wasn't part of our arrangement,' I growled.

'I'm altering our arrangement a bit,' he replied with a self-satisfied smirk.

'Like hell you are! Untie me or I'll…'

'Or you'll what? Glare at me to death? No, Potter, you aren't going anywhere until we explore this new development between us.'

'N-New development? What new development?' I stuttered, my heart stopping at the words.

'Surely you remember our last encounter. Just how…exciting things got. Well, at least for some,' he snickered, his gaze falling meaningfully to my crotch.

'You…I…' I couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't find the words to deny it. All I could do was hang there with wide eyes, mouth open in shock. I had been so sure that he hadn't noticed; that I was safe from any repercussions.

'You didn't think I hadn't noticed, did you?' he asked, his tone full of amusement as his words mirrored my thoughts. 'Silly Gryffindor, haven't you realized yet? A Slytherin never misses such things,' he cooed softly, a long pale hand reaching out to ghost across my chin with mock tenderness.

My head jerked back at the touch, my body swinging morbidly as I surveyed the situation. I was completely and utterly trussed up and on offer to a twisted Slytherin bent on 'exploring' new developments that I had no desire to investigate and it sent a sharp thrill of both fear and anticipation through my body. The anticipation was far too confusing for me to deal with, so I focused on the fear instead and renewed my struggles, my arms protesting as I wrenched at them, trying to free myself.

'Give up the fight, Potter. You're mine until I'm through with you,' my captor said softly as he glided up to stand toe to toe with me, his breath wafting across my face as he gazed down at me with his mercurial eyes dancing with mirth and triumph.

'Fuck you, Malfoy,' I spat in his face, feigning a bravery I didn't feel.

'My, my, Potter, such language! I would have thought the Chosen One would have better manners than that,' Malfoy drawled, a look of mock surprise on his face as he began to circle me. Hating the idea of the blond at my back where I couldn't see him, I arched my spine, straining my neck to try in vain to keep him in view. This merely made him chuckle as he continued to move around me. After a few passes, circling like a shark, he stopped behind me and moved himself against me to mold his tall frame along my back, bringing forth an involuntary shudder of disgust - definitely disgust.

'Perhaps we better see about teaching you some manners, eh, Potter?' he whispered, his breath hot and moist against my ear and neck, sending shivers down my spine and much to my dismay, causing my cock to stir. Suddenly there was a loud ripping sound as my shirt was torn to shreds, my skin instantly tightening; unprotected against the chill of the room.

'What the _fuck_, Malfoy?' I shouted, unable to believe he had just torn my school shirt apart with his bare hands. I focused on the anger I felt at being exposed, rather than the reluctant shiver of admiration that tried to worm its way through me.

Malfoy didn't answer but opted instead to move back around to my front, filling me with relief that he was no longer out of sight, but also with something that felt remarkably like a sense of regret as I lost the heat of his body. He stood there for a moment with an unreadable expression on his face, his metallic eyes boring through me, a rare hint of foreign emotion flickering in their depths.

Perhaps I imagined the emotion, mistaking the reflection of a flickering candle as feeling, because as soon as the thought crossed my mind, the grey orbs once again regained their aloof blankness. He moved slowly then, a Cheshire cat grin slowly gracing his features as his hands moved to his belt, his slender fingers unclasping the buckle with graceful, measured motions.

'What are you doing?' I asked, unable to stop the slight hint of panic that crept into my voice. My heart renewed it's struggle to break free from my chest as my traitorous cock twitched to life at the thoughts that raced through my mind while I wondered what motives Malfoy could possibly have that would lead to him undressing.

'Preparing to teach you a lesson in manners, Potter,' the Slytherin smirked, sliding the belt out of each loop with tantalizing slowness, drawing out the suspense as much as possible, driving my terrified excitement to new heights.

I didn't know whether to be glad or disappointed when he stopped the removal of clothing at his belt. I was glad, of course, what reason could I have to be disappointed? It wasn't as though I had wanted to see Malfoy naked, or to see what he would do once he was. Denial thy name is Harry Potter.

My confusion must have shown on my face because his smirk widened and he cocked a platinum brow as he began to circle me once more, tapping the strap of leather in his hand as he walked. After the third pass he stopped behind me once more, sliding the belt against the skin of my back, the skin tingling at the soft caress of the smooth leather.

'Such smooth, soft skin,' Malfoy murmured, nearly inaudibly as he traced nonsensical patterns along my flesh, the chill of the room fleeing as I flushed with excitement.

Suddenly the belt was removed, the gentle touch lost only to be replaced with a harsh sting as Malfoy whipped the leather against my prone back. I barely managed to control the sound of surprise, my body jerking at the painful contact. Knowing that a reaction would only please the tormenting blond, I clenched my jaw shut, determined not to give him what he wanted. He struck me a few more times, each blow ringing in my ears as I swayed from the force of his swing.

'Why so quiet, Potter? Surely you can give me a little whimper? No? Oh well, I suppose I'll just have to keep going until I get what I want,' Malfoy drawled in my ear, causing my cock to react against my will, stiffening from semi to full hardness with nothing but the heat of his breath and the sound of his voice as stimulation.

Without another word, Malfoy began raining blow after blow upon me, each swing gaining force as they met my skin. To my horror and embarrassment the pain did nothing to lessen my erection, but rather increased it to the point of aching excitement. Each blow stung with pleasure, mixing with the sensuous sounds of Malfoy's heavy breathing and muttered words of degradation and ownership. I clenched my jaw shut, tight and stubborn as I rode out the waves of pain and unwanted pleasure, ignoring the throbbing of my back as well as my trapped erection, despite Malfoy's promises to cease when I finally gave in and utter a sound of defeat for him.

After a few minutes of endless whipping, I could feel the belt begin to draw blood, the hot liquid dripping down my back in thin rivulets. Suddenly, Malfoy changed the trajectory of his blows, angling the belt against my arse, the leather stinging deliciously through the denim of my trousers, and I could not help wriggling and pushing back toward the abuse being delivered. My whole body was alive with feeling, my blood pulsing thickly through my veins as my nerves overloaded with sensation. I was more stimulated than I'd ever been in my life and so unbelievably turned on that I completely lost myself to the moment, not caring that it was Malfoy making me feel that way.

On the next blow, the leather belt found it's way between my legs, it's sensual sting finding the sensitive flesh of my arse and balls through my jeans, ripping a loud mewling moan from my throat. Malfoy ceased his blows with a strangled noise of triumph and before I even registered the movement he was standing in front of me, his eyes dark with what could only be described as unrestrained lust. I shivered uncontrollably at the heat of his normally chilly gaze as his hands flew to the clasp of his trousers, fingers shaking in his haste to divest himself of the garment. He paused in his motions long enough to draw his wand, casting a spell that lowered my now numb arms and dropped me from my hanging position, the magic forcing me to kneel on the freezing stone floor before him.

Once he positioned me as desired, he tossed his wand aside and shoved his trousers and underwear down his strong legs in one fluid motion, revealing his rather impressive arousal. I gazed at the length with open curiosity, my own prick throbbing painfully at the sight. It was as thick as my own and a tad longer, and - much to my dismay - looked utterly delicious with pearls of precome shining wetly at the tip. I did my best to look horrified, like he no doubt expected, but I couldn't focus on anything other than the desire to wrap my lips around the heated flesh he presented to me.

'W-what…' I tried to ask. Though it was abundantly clear what the Slytherin intended to do, I still felt that I had to at least pretend to be the unwilling Gryffindor.

'Suck my cock, Potter. Suck it like the little whore you are,' Malfoy growled, thrusting his hips towards my face, causing the sticky head to bump against my lips. Though having Malfoy call me a whore should have incensed and offended me, the word brought a wanton throb of desire from my groin and it was all I could do not to moan at the sensation. Memories of the dream I'd had coursed through my mind and I couldn't deny my excitement any longer.

I should have fought harder, resisted more, but the remnants of my nighttime fantasy combined with that touch was all the incentive I needed and I found myself opening my mouth wide to draw the thick phallus into my mouth. I smiled around the head of the prick as I heard Malfoy's choking gasp, taking a moment to revel in the triumph of surprising the Slytherin before I concentrated on my task. It was awkward at first, as I had never touched another man's cock, let alone had one in my mouth, but after a few passes I began to get the rhythm of it, bobbing my head as far down the shaft as I could, heedless of the trickles of drool that made their way down my chin.

My prick gave a hard lurch when the blond wrapped a slender hand in my hair and pulled, the pain bringing me close to the edge. I hummed my approval around the cock in my mouth, enjoying the shivers and uncontrolled thrusting of Malfoy's hips as he sought more stimulation, not even caring when the tip slammed into the back of my throat, causing me to gag. The rush of power I felt was palpable while I watched as my mouth turned the reserved Slytherin Ice Prince into a warm puddle of mush. I may have been the one tied up and on my knees, but we both knew who was in charge. I eagerly drank in every single strangled moan, each and every uttered oath that I drew from Malfoy, drowning in the sea of emotions that poured through me, making me feel alive and whole again. Not even my previous encounters with Malfoy had wrought such feeling inside of me, those emotions paled in comparison to what coursed through me now.

The only warning I had that he was close was the sudden change in Malfoy's breathing moments before his cock thickened and stream after stream of hot seed poured into my mouth, filling it so rapidly that I could not contain it all. Feeling Malfoy come in my mouth, his mewling sounds combining with the harsh pulling of my hair brought my own orgasm, my tortured erection spilling copious amounts of sticky fluid in my trousers. I shivered uncontrollably as I rode out what had to be the most intense orgasm of my life, my jaw working as I continued to lick and suck at Malfoy's softening prick, drinking down all traces of the blond's spunk.

Finally, over stimulated by my unwavering attention, Malfoy removed himself from my mouth. I looked up at him then, my eyes shrouded by thick dark lashes as they met his, and allowed my tongue to snake out and lick at the sticky come that had escaped my mouth. His eyes widened at the motion, his own tongue darting out to wet his lips, mirroring my own.

Growling, he suddenly tightened his hold on my hair, yanking me into a standing position by my raven locks before attacking my lips with his own. It was as if he wanted to taste every inch of my mouth, his tongue delving deep and violent into the wet cavity. I met him stroke for stroke, our tongues dueling for supremacy as we fought each other for control. It was more a punishment than a kiss, with teeth nipping and drawing blood, lips mashing against each other, the painful pulling of my hair, and I loved every second of it.

Then it was over, just as suddenly as it began. Malfoy ripped himself away from me with such violence that he stumbled back with the force of it. We stared at each other, each breathing heavily, his countenance a myriad of emotions; confusion, arousal, hatred, worry, and the same foreign emotion as before. In a matter of moments all of that melted away and his face contorted into a mask of loathing and disdain as he cast a cleaning charm on himself and hastily redressed.

'I always knew you were a poof, Potter. You enjoyed that didn't you? Fuck, I didn't even have to touch you,' he sneered, noting the wet patch that stained my groin.

'I didn't hear you complaining,' I bit out, anger and shame rushing through me.

'Who knew the Golden Boy would be so turned on by sucking Death Eater cock that he'd cream his trousers. It's really quite pathetic. You are nothing but a whore, you know that? My little Gryffindor whore,' Malfoy drawled, his eyes alight with cruelty and derision.

'What are you going to do, tell everyone? Go ahead, it's not like they'd believe you anyways,' I yelled, inwardly terrified that he would do just that. I couldn't handle the look on my friend's faces if they knew how the Slytherin affected me, whether I wanted him to or not.

'I don't think so, Potter. At least not for the moment. I'm not through with you quite yet. After all, if you're that good with your mouth, I can't wait to find out what other uses you may serve,' he crooned, stepping close to me and running a slender finger along my jaw in mock-tenderness. I jerked my head away from his touch, ignoring the fire shooting through me at that simple gesture.

'Fuck you, Malfoy,' I snarled.

'Oh, so eager, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait until next time, pet. I've had enough of you tonight. Sweet dreams,' the blond sneered before turning swiftly, removing his charms and gliding out the door.

It was only after the door slammed shut that my bonds were released and I was able to slump to the floor, the candles disappearing suddenly, leaving me in utter darkness. I sat there, dirty and cold, for who knows how long, feelings of shame and denial coursing through me. I was glad that Malfoy wasn't going to tell the whole school about our little 'encounter' but I now I had to worry about what would come next.

Remembering what Malfoy had said about using me sent a shiver down my spine, and I couldn't pretend to myself that it was a negative reaction. Imagining what 'other uses' I could be made to fill should have, by all accounts, frightened and sickened me, but instead it only served to make my heart race and my spent cock twitch in favor of the idea. I hated myself in that moment, knowing that I would not only meet Malfoy because he demanded it, but because I wanted to. More to the point I _needed _to. For whatever reason, fate had deemed that Malfoy be the one who restored my emotions and made me whole again and I was becoming addicted to the rush he gave me with each meeting. For those stolen moments, I was whole again; free of the crushing abyss of apathy that consumed me day in and day out.

Maybe I could regulate the meetings. It had taken a few days for the emotions Malfoy invoked in me to wear off the last time, so it stood to reason that it would take at least that long until I would need another round of…stimulation. Even when the emotions did run out, surely I could wait a while longer before running to him for another hit. I could use Malfoy as surely as he planned to use me. There was no denying that we would meet again, and that the blond would have his way, but I could, at the very least have some measure of control. I wouldn't just be his puppet or his whore.

Nodding resolutely to myself, I finally levered my stiff body off the cold floor and retrieved my wand with a muttered '_Accio'. _

'_Lumos_,' I said, giving myself just enough light to haphazardly repair the tatters of my shirt and clean the mess from my trousers.

Moving awkwardly about the room I finally located my invisibility cloak and threw it over my shoulders, trying to ignore the thrill of pleasure that coursed through me from the light sting of my back as the light weight of the cloth aggravated my injuries. I made my way back to Gryffindor tower, reveling in the intensity of my emotions, even as I tried to forget how I had earned them.

****

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed Harry getting ambushed! I know I did :evil grin:

Please read and review


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to claim them, sadly I cannot. They belong to Madam JKR.

Warning: This fic contains mature content and sexual situations between men. If you don

A/N: Chapter 4...one of my faves! SERIOUSLY rated M so be aware!!

Thanks once again to all my readers and reviewers! I love to hear from you all :heart:

As always (though it can never be said enough) thank you to the incomparable Digitallace for her hard work as my beta and for being a great friend =D

****

't like man/man action don't read!!

Chapter 4

I rode the waves of emotion out for an entire week this time, soaking up each and every moment, praying somehow, someway that this time would be different and I wouldn't have to go back to Malfoy for a refill. Ron and Hermione were obviously confused by my sudden one hundred and eighty degree turn in personality. I had apologized to them, blaming my previous behavior on the war and seeing Ginny so happy with someone else. I lied to them easily, still unable to tell them what was really going on, using my new emotions to win them over. I felt guilty about the lies, but it was all I could think of to excuse how I'd acted without telling them about the demon that plagued me. Besides, it was mostly true, at least the bit about the war. If not for that I wouldn't have been in the situation to begin with. They probably thought I was mental what with all my random mood swings, but they didn't say a word. It seemed they were too happy to see me back to normal to question it.

Each day that I woke up from blissful, dreamless sleep I felt more and more confident that this time the feelings would stay for good. I even worked up the courage to talk to Ginny. She was wary at first; still upset with me for breaking her heart over the summer, but after a few tries she was finally speaking to me again. We even shared a laugh or two, joking about things we'd gotten up to before everything went to shit. She was still dating Isaac, but at least we were on friendly terms again. For some reason I still wasn't feeling jealous about their relationship like I thought I would. While I felt friendly towards Gin, I hadn't had that rush of love I had expected when my emotions returned. I tried not to think about that, tried not to wonder why, and decided I just might not have gotten my full-fledged feelings back. Perhaps my love for Ginny would still return in time.

Needless to say I hadn't needed to seek Malfoy out and I was flying high, basking in my freedom from the git, determined that nothing would ruin it this time. Wednesday morning I had received a discreet note from the Slytherin, demanding that we meet, but I ignored it - and the resulting speeding of my heart at receiving the summons - not about to subject myself to his abuse unless it proved absolutely necessary. I slept soundly that night, barely sparing a thought for the blond and his ruined plans for me. Throughout the following day I felt his glacial eyes on my back, watching my every move, no doubt planning how he would inflict his revenge for being stood up. He tried to get my attention a few times, but again, I merely ignored him, determined to spend every moment I could with my friends.

And then Friday morning everything went to hell.

****

I screamed out loud as I shot up in my bed, sweat pouring down my neck as the image of Fred's dead body danced behind my tear-filled eyes. Slowly, but surely, the redhead's haunting visage faded from my mind's eye, my hard-won emotions seeping away with him. I panicked, trying everything I could think of to keep hold onto the fleeing feelings but as always it was fruitless and I was left sitting in my sweat-soaked bed, tears drying on my face as I stared blankly into the muted early morning light of my dorm.

I was lost once more, floating in that endless pit of darkness with no tether to the spark of life that was once my essence. I held my head in my hands and moaned to myself with muted agitation. What was I going to do now? The last thing I wanted was to have to go crawling back to Malfoy, especially after having stood him up. He was vicious enough in his assault last time without any provocation, who knew what he'd be like now that I'd insulted him.

No. I wouldn't give in. I would get through this on my own for as long as possible.

****

By Saturday afternoon I found my resolve wavering as I sat at the Gryffindor table, my gaze continuously straying to the Slytherin table despite my best efforts to keep them focused on my friends. Malfoy was eating and chatting with his housemates and pretending for all the world as though I didn't exist. I was surprised to find that his indifference sent a sliver of anger sizzling through me. I was so elated at the feeling that I didn't bother to question why Malfoy's inattention of me bothered me so much, instead I just sat back and enjoyed the simmering of my blood in my veins as I glared at the pale git. Suddenly his mercurial eyes met mine and I was stuck, falling into his gaze, unable to look away from the intensity burning in those fierce orbs. If I had any notion that he had forgotten my transgression it disintegrated in that moment. I should have been wary, scared even, of the fire in those cold eyes. Fear, at the very least, would have explained why my heart sped uncontrollably at that moment, but all I could feel was a keen anticipation of what was to come.

'…wouldn't you say so, Harry? Harry?' Ginny's voice cut through my trance.

'Sorry, Gin, what?' I asked, trying my best to infuse my voice with the interest I knew I was supposed to show. From the obvious fall of her face I could tell it wasn't my best performance by far.

'I was just saying the race for the Quidditch cup should be pretty close this year, what with Ravenclaw's new defense,' she repeated softly, looking decidedly disappointed as she looked at me, then back to her plate.

'Definitely,' I agreed, mustering as much enthusiasm as I could. 'Look, Gin, I'm sorry I was just thinking. I guess I got lost in my own little world for a minute.'

'Too busy staring at Malfoy?' she asked, her tone laced with bitterness.

'What? I wasn't staring at Malfoy,' I protested.

'Harry, you were drilling invisible holes through his head. I do hope you aren't going to go on another Malfoy conspiracy trip this year,' Hermione said, her face full of exasperation.

'I'm not going on any trip; I was just staring into space. I have a lot on my mind is all, honestly,' I insisted, praying they would drop it.

Hermione, Ron and Ginny all exchanged a look that clearly said they weren't buying it, but thankfully didn't mention it again. I spent another five minutes pretending to listen while I pushed my food around on my plate, trying my hardest not to give in to the niggling in my mind that demanded I seek out the sweet abuse that only Malfoy could give me. After a few more moments of fighting with myself I sighed and rose from the table, intent on escaping the temptation sitting across the hall.

'I'm going to head out to the pitch and maybe do some laps.' I said.

'You want some company mate?' Ron asked through a mouthful of food.

'No thanks, Ron. I really just need to work out some tension, you know? I need to clear my head. Next time, okay?' I suggested, clapping my hand on his shoulder before heading out of the Great Hall, ignoring the prickling sensation teasing the back of my neck that told me Malfoy's intense gaze was fixed on my retreating form.

****

Twenty minutes later, I was dressed in my Quidditch gear and making my way across the grounds to the pitch, my Firebolt propped lovingly on my shoulder. The day was dark, cloudy and threatening rain, leaving the pitch completely deserted. Just how I wanted it. I stood just outside the stadium, taking a moment to close my eyes and drink in the scent of the coming rain, letting the clean air wash over me and fill every hollow space. I nearly managed a smile before I opened my eyes and made my way past the bleachers and towards the pitch.

Before I managed to get even halfway, a strong pair of elegant hands reached out and ripped me from my path so hard I stumbled, my head hitting a support beam as I was dragged into the darkness of the underside of the stands. I knew before the stars stopped flashing in front of my eyes who had attacked me. No one else would dare handle me that way, so violently, so eagerly and with such an alluring growl of anger. I only had a moment to take in the sight of Malfoy's enraged face, his cheeks pink with anger, his eyes hard and lust-filled, before he slammed me against a wooden beam and crushed his lips to mine in a bruising kiss. His mouth was punishing, his teeth nipping at my lips mercilessly, drawing blood and eliciting a gasp from my throat. He took advantage of the slight parting of my mouth, shoving his hot tongue past my lips, delving as deep into me as he could, his teeth clicking against mine in the brutality of the kiss.

My heart was fluttering madly against my ribs, beating away like a caged bird, as I waited for that familiar rush of hatred and anger. What came instead was a rush of lust and excitement. I heard a moan of pleasure and it took me a moment to realize that the sound had come from me. I actually wanted this. Wanted _him_. And it scared me more than anything. With that thought, panic coursed through me and I began to struggle, pushing at his chest with my palms, trying desperately to escape. I managed to dislodge his mouth briefly but as I turned my head and tried to move my body, Malfoy let loose a growl and laid a vicious punch into my stomach. I crumpled over in pain, trying to breathe, all escape attempts momentarily halted.

'Where the fuck do you think you're going?' Malfoy asked, his voice laced with derision as he wrapped a slender hand into my hair and yanked me upwards to stand against the beam once more, breath coming in painful gasps.

I didn't get a chance to answer as he used his burning grip on my scalp to rip my head back, exposing my throat to his ravenous mouth. I tried to renew my struggle, desperate to ignore the pleasure pulsing through me at each and every bite of his teeth, every hot swipe of his tongue against my jugular, only to be stopped by his leg insinuating itself between mine, his knee pressing dangerously close to my aching erection. He nudged my groin just hard enough to get his message across; if I tried to struggle, he wouldn't hesitate to hurt me. I stopped struggling.

'You think you can just ignore me? Pretend I don't exist?' Malfoy snarled as he continued to attack my neck. Suddenly he reached for his wand and pointed it at my chest. I had a moment to panic once again before he waved it and my Quidditch jersey was rendered to tatters, exposing my chest to the autumnal chill. The Slytherin took a moment to absorb the sight of my chest before he fell on me with a predatory noise. He took his time, claiming me with his teeth. I gasped as he bit my skin, tearing the smooth flesh with fervor, the pain translating to pleasure in my twisted mind, my cock wet and throbbing at each touch of his mouth to my chest. It was pure heavenly torture.

When it seemed he felt like he had succeeded in marring my chest sufficiently, Malfoy stood back to survey the damage, his eyes filled with twisted pleasure as he noted the tiny rivulets of blood and saliva that dripped down my torso, marking me as his. Finally, his sharp steel eyes met mine and I felt a shiver pass through me at the intensity that laid there, the passion that shimmered in those orbs. Passion for me, or at least for what he could do to me. Whatever the exact motivation, just knowing that I had something to do with the look on his face made something inside of me howl in triumph. I was both excited by and afraid of the predatory ownership and vicious excitement in his gaze.

'Did you really think you could stand me up and get away with it?' Malfoy asked, his voice dangerously soft. When I didn't answer his hand whipped out and laid a stinging smack across my cheek, the power of it whipping my head to the side and splitting my lip.

'I asked you a question, whore,' he sneered.

I looked back at him, anger and defiance flaring through me as I clenched my jaw shut, refusing to answer him. His silver eyes flashed brightly as he saw my refusal, clearly pleased that I had chosen to defy him.

'You are a stubborn little fuck aren't you? Like a wild horse that refuses to be broken,' Malfoy whispered, bringing his face close to mine as his hand rose to ghost along my bruised jaw, his gentle touch raising fire in my blood. 'Not to worry though. I am quite adept at breaking things.'

With those soft words, he suddenly grabbed my arms and wrenched me around to shove my body hard against the support beam, my glasses flying off as the side of my face hit the hard surface. Once more, as in our last encounter, ropes made their way to my wrists and ankles and I found my body being stretched like a bow, arms tied high above my head, secured to a horizontal support beam, while my legs were spread and tethered to the beams nearest mine. With another swish of his wand Malfoy had vanished the remains of my clothes right down to my shoes, leaving me completely exposed and at his mercy once again. My cock was hard and throbbing, trapped tightly between my stomach and the cold wood of the support beam I was tied to.

'If only you could see what I can,' Malfoy murmured, his tone reflecting the smirk I knew graced his face.

'Go to hell, Malfoy,' I said, not quite able to infuse as much hatred as I would like due to the heightened excitement I felt at having his gaze on my body. I knew I looked like the dirty whore he claimed me to be and instead of angering me, as it should have, I found myself getting impossibly harder. My cheeks flushed with both lust and shame as I realized I enjoyed the feeling of degradation he gave me. When we were together I was nothing but his dirty whore, free to be wanton and ready to be owned.

'Tell me what you are,' Malfoy demanded, as though he could read my thoughts and wanted me to say them aloud.

'Fuck you,' I snarled, not about to give in so early in the game.

'Wrong answer,' he said before he brought one hand down in a steep arch to crack against my arse with a loud smack. The force of the blow had me shifting forward, my cock rubbing harder against the wood I was propped against, causing me to bite my lip to keep from moaning. He spanked me a total of five times, every smack leaving a glorious burning sting across my buttocks. Each blow forced my cock to rub against the rough beam, leaving both my arse and my erection throbbing uncontrollably and reducing me to a tingling mass of arousal.

'What are you, Potter?' Malfoy asked again, his hand caressing my abused arse in feather light touches.

'I won't,' I replied defiantly, even as I arched my back to press my arse against his soothing hand, my body needing more of his touch.

Without another word Malfoy resumed his spanking, his hand hitting my skin even harder than before, crisscrossing the swollen flesh in a striped pattern of pain induced pleasure. After delivering a few smacks against my cheeks, his hand changed its angle and moved lower so that on the next smack his palm followed the line of my arse crack, his fingers nipping my ball sack with a tantalizing sting. The feeling of his hand whipping me in such a private area was so erotic that I couldn't help but let loose the wanton moan that came from my throat.

'Say it, Potter,' Malfoy demanded once more as he laid his cheek against mine, his voice shaking slightly as his fingers danced along the crease of my arse, sending shivers of pleasure through me.

'I…I…' I stammered unintelligibly, my brain stuttering to a halt as his fingers traced the outside of my twitching hole.

'That's not an answer,' he murmured before pulling away from me. His questing fingers left my skin and I almost moaned at the loss, but held back, anticipating more delicious spankings.

Moments later I gasped in surprise as Malfoy's hand returned to my arse. Rather than resuming his spanking, the Slytherin brought his now slick fingers to press against my skin, the digits trailing wetly between my cheeks. He slid them up and down the crease a couple of times before lowering them to trace around my arse hole, sending sparks of pleasure through me at the gentle caress. Unable to help myself, I moaned and pressed my hips backward, hoping to spur him on. My heart was thrumming in my ears, adrenalin coursing through my veins with both excitement and fear. I had never gone this far with anyone before. Ginny and I had never had the chance to get past much more than kissing and by the time the opportunity presented itself, I couldn't bring myself to do it, too consumed by my own emptiness. Standing there just then, with none other than Draco Malfoy dancing his fingers across my virgin hole, was both the scariest and most sensual thing I had ever experienced. I couldn't decide if I wanted him to stop or to continue. Then I didn't have to choose because he was suddenly pressing a finger into me and I wouldn't have stopped him for anything.

'_Malfoy_…' I moaned, wriggling my hips back against the lightly probing finger, seeking more stimulation.

'Say it, Potter,' he repeated, his voice gravelly with lust as he continued to tease me with his maddeningly light touch. When I failed to answer him, save for a weak moan, he grew impatient and lost all signs of gentleness. Suddenly there were two fingers filling me. No, not just filling me, they were plunging in and out of my arse, stretching the ring of flesh savagely, leaving a burning pain in their wake. I cried out in pain, tears stinging my eyes at the intrusion.

'Who do you belong to?' he demanded, twisting his fingers as he kept up his relentless pace. As the digits twisted and flexed, they struck something inside of me that sent pleasure like I'd never felt before shooting through me with such force I cried out.

'Ah! You,' I cried, finally giving in. I'd have said anything, done anything to feel that amazing sensation again.

'That's right,' he replied, his fingers continuing to stretch me. 'You're _my _whore aren't you? Aren't you?' he repeated, his fingers striking that spot, ripping admission from my lips.

'Yes, fuck yes! Please…'

'You were a bad little whore weren't you?' he growled viciously, leaning his body against mine, his breath wafting against my sweat soaked neck.

'Yes,' I whispered, shaking with arousal and degradation.

'And you deserve to be punished, don't you?'

I nodded weakly, my hips rotating against his fingers, seeking more.

'Beg me for it. Beg me to punish you,' he whispered in my ear, his fingers slowing to a gentler pace before sliding out to tease the rim of my hole.

It wasn't enough. I needed more. I didn't want gentle teasing. I wanted, no, _needed _for him to be brutal. To finger-fuck me hard and fast, slamming into that sweet spot inside of me again and again. There was only one way I'd get what I needed.

'Please…punish me, Malfoy,' I whispered, clenching my eyes shut as I said the words, delicious shame making them choke on the way out.

'Good boy,' he murmured with approval before removing his fingers.

I was about to protest the loss of the digits when I felt a tingle of magic and suddenly something much larger was pressing against my arse. My eyes flew open as I realized what was about to happen. I opened my mouth to protest but never got the chance. With one sharp thrust I felt the head of Malfoy's cock push into me, the burning sensation returning with a vengeance at the intrusion. My words died in my throat, quickly turned into a surprised cry. The noise did nothing to slow the Slytherin's progress and slowly, inch-by-inch I was impaled on his thick prick. When his groin finally met my cheeks, his balls resting against mine, he paused, his breath coming in harsh gasps against the back of my neck. I could feel every pulsing inch of his cock deep inside me, filling me completely, my muscles clenching spasmodically against the hard phallus as they tried to expel him from my body. His body shuddered against mine as he stood there, allowing my body a moment to adjust to his.

'It's even better than I'd imagined,' he murmured so softly that, had he not been pressed so close to me, I'd have missed it.

'W-what?' I managed to choke out, turning my head to watch him from the corner of my eye. His eyes flew open and he looked at me, his face startled, as if he'd said something he shouldn't have. The surprise only lasted a moment before he regained his composure and his features shifted into sneering hatred.

With a vicious snarl he slid himself almost completely out of me before slamming back in violently, ripping another cry from me. He fucked me with total abandon, his thickness slamming into me hard and fast, as though he would make me forget his whispered words with the deliciously torturous use of his cock. It worked, if only for the moment. All coherent thought flew from my mind as he pounded into me, the smacking sound of flesh against flesh filling the air, his harsh pants and moans joining mine in a hedonistic chorus.

I worked against him, doing my best to move my hips in time with his to maximize the penetration as well as stimulate my aching prick, which was still pinned mercilessly to the wooden beam. I felt so close to orgasm, yet so far. Each pass of Malfoy's cock was heaven, but it just wasn't quite enough. He twisted his hips once or twice, hitting that spot inside of me and turning my insides to mush, but after a couple of passes he moved himself, as if deliberately denying me the pleasure he could give. Suddenly I realized what he'd meant when he said I was being punished.

'Fuck…oh gods…yes, Potter,' Malfoy muttered, his hands tightening to bruising force on my hips as he sped up his thrusts. Moments later I felt the swelling of his cock that signaled his impending release and he was coming. As I felt the first hot spurt of come paint my insides I heard him moan, 'Fuck, Har…' My heart stuttered as he started to say my name, but leaned forward to bite my neck instead, effectively stopping the flow of words, his hips jerking spasmodically as he emptied himself into me.

We stood there for a few long moments, Malfoy's teeth gripping the flesh of my neck, his softening cock still buried deep within my arse, both of us shaking uncontrollably. As we each caught our breath, Malfoy's words echoed in my mind once more. _It's even better than I'd imagined_. Did that mean Malfoy had been fantasizing about me? Wanting me as much as I wanted him? Surely this was all just some sort of sick game to him. Just as the thought passed through my mind I felt Malfoy's hand lightly caressing my side, his grip on my neck loosening as he laid a soft, barely discernable kiss over the bloody wound.

'Malfoy?' I breathed, wanting to ask him what his words meant and why he was kissing me so tenderly.

I didn't get the chance to ask though as my voice seemed to wake him out of whatever trance he had been in. He abruptly unwrapped himself from my body, stumbling back from me as though I'd burnt him. I heard him mumble a quick cleaning charm on himself even as I felt the thick hot trails of his seamen dripping from my abused hole and down the backs of my legs.

'If only you could see what I can,' Malfoy said again, this time his tone reverent as he stood back to watch the evidence of his abuse flow from my body.

'Now, if you'll excuse me,' he said, his voice full of mocking cheer. With that I heard him start to walk away.

'Malfoy? Wait! Where are you going? You can't just leave me here!' I cried as I turned my head at an awkward angle to look at him, my neglected cock begging for release.

'Of course I can, Potter,' he replied, turning back to me. 'After all, this is punishment remember?'

'But, I need…' I whined, wriggling my hips as much as possible to indicate my throbbing prick.

'Perhaps you should have thought of that before you ignored me,' he sneered, gliding arrogantly back to my helpless form.

'Why are you doing this?' I asked, my voice filling with pained curiosity.

'You needed to be punished,' he answered with a smug smile.

'Not that, I mean _us_. What did you mean when you said it was even better than you imagined?'

He looked startled by the question, his eyes shining brightly with emotion for mere seconds before the shutters to his soul were replaced and he scoffed at me.

'Humiliating you of course. Subjecting you to whatever I desire. It's becoming quite addictive, owning you. I've waited years for this kind of opportunity, and I intend to make you suffer for each and every slight and humiliation you've caused me through the years. As for why I do it? Simple. Because I can. Now, pet, you just stay here a while and think about what you've done,' he ordered me with the air of a cross parent to their naughty child. With that parting shot he leaned in, laid a rough kiss on my mouth and sauntered away, leaving me tied to the post, my body growing cold from the lack of clothes and stimulation.

I shivered against the chill, Malfoy's come drying in uncomfortable streaks down my arse and legs, my cock throbbing as the motion jostled it against the post. After a few moments I realized that the bonds were not disappearing as they had the last time Malfoy had left me like this. I tugged a few times, trying to loosen them somehow and only succeeded in hurting myself, nearly wrenching my arms from their sockets in my fervor. Moaning desperately, I was reduced to shifting against the post in a vain attempt to relieve the pressure of my erection. Unfortunately I was tied too tightly to garner any real stimulation and only ended up making my situation worse. I was aching to come, my orgasm having been thoroughly kept at bay by the wooden support beam as well as Malfoy's machinations. Cursing the Slytherin, I stopped my futile efforts and allowed myself to sag against the beam to wait for the ropes to dissipate.

Over an hour later the ropes finally disappeared, dropping me in an undignified heap to the ground. Without wasting time I moved to wrap a stiff hand around my erection and began to wank, rushing to find relief. I was so worked up that each stroke was nearly painful, prolonging the orgasm I so desperately needed. I closed my eyes to concentrate and found Malfoy's face staring back at me. In my mind's eye his platinum locks were disheveled from our recent activities, stormy eyes glittering with that unnamed emotion I glimpsed every so often during our encounters, and his lips were swollen and parted as he panted, trying regain his level of breathing.

My heart constricted as I remembered the moment he reached orgasm, imagining the sweetness of his touch in the moments after, his soft kisses. I heard him calling out my name in my mind as he came, calling me Harry. Not Potter or his whore. Just Harry. And with that thought I came, spurting stream after stream onto the cold ground as I bit my lip, forbidding myself to call out the name that was etched across my mind and in my withered heart in that moment.

I sat there shaking; both with the aftereffects of my orgasm and with the realization that something about Malfoy had been altered in my mind. The dynamic had shifted and things were a lot more complicated now then they had been when I'd first thought to involve the blond. It was new and exciting and felt remarkably similar to being in…No. I shut down that line of thought with violent haste. I refused to entertain the idea that I was developing feelings for my Slytherin tormentor. He was merely there to serve a purpose. A means to an end. He'd never been more than that, nor would he ever be.

The sound of nearing voices spurred me into action and I looked around wildly for something to cover myself. All that had been spared from the encounter were my shoes, cloak, wand and broom. I stumbled up and over to the pile and scooped up my belongings, shoving my freezing feet into my boots. Using my wand, I summon my glasses and invisibility cloak, casting a much needed cleaning charm over myself. I used my cloak to cover as much of myself as possible and ducked farther into the shadows as the Ravenclaw Quidditch team traipsed through the entrance the pitch not ten feet away from my hiding place.

After what seemed like ages my cloak appeared in front of me and I threw it on with great relief, cast a disillusionment charm on my broom and flew up to Gryffindor Tower. My luck had apparently turned for the better as the room was empty and I was able to enter unnoticed. Without wasting a moment I grabbed a change of clothes and made for the showers, needing to purge the scent and feel of Malfoy off my skin, and to rid myself of traitorous thoughts once and for all.

This had to end.

****

A/N: I love that Harry thought he could avoid Malfoy and get away with it. Perhaps he's learned his lesson?

Please read and review my darlings!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to claim them, sadly I cannot. They belong to Madam JKR.

Warning: This fic contains mature content and sexual situations between men. If you don't like man/man action don't read!!

A/N: I finished the story yesterday so in celebration...here's an early update! Only two chapters left after this one o.0 Never fear…they are all ridiculously long. =D

Thank you to all my readers and reviewers! You make the writing experience so much more fun and fulfilling!

A million thanks to my twin of DOOM! You are the best Lexx :heart:

*****

Chapter 5

I may have convinced myself that I would focus on my goal and lock Malfoy out of my mind, but just two days later, after nights filled with sensual dreams of the blond, I found myself unable to get him out of my head. I was constantly thinking of our last session, wanking over it each day as I relived every moment, sometimes having to excuse myself from class in order to rush to the boy's loo and find relief. Much to my horror, I wasn't just daydreaming about the sexual aspect of our trysts, but actually found myself thinking about the deep timbre of his voice, the soft down of his hair, and the exact shade of his eyes when he was aroused. Each time I caught myself wandering down this unhealthy path of musings I forced myself to change direction, often times diverting my attention to my friends or attempting to shift the daydream to one about Ginny, which never seemed to work as well as I wanted.

We hadn't spoken since our last encounter. In fact the Slytherin seemed to be avoiding me like the plague. I would sometimes feel like his eyes were on me, only to look up and see the top of his head or his back as he refused to meet my gaze and I was proven wrong or more delusional than I'd like to admit. Days passed without word from Malfoy and the longer he went without contacting me, the more confused I felt. I was sure that after our last meeting he would continue to summon me regularly. He had established his control over me and I had expected him to exercise it as often as possible, especially since we both knew that I wouldn't keep him waiting again. I could no longer deny the attraction that I felt for him, nor the pleasure that he brought me. It should have been a blessing, a relief, that he hadn't decided to use me since, but all I could feel was anxiety and, oddly enough, disappointment. It was sick and twisted, but I found that I actually missed his abuse.

I did my best to ignore the confusing emotions Malfoy elicited within me, focusing as much as I could on solidifying my friendships and rebuilding my rapport with Ginny. We talked every day now, laughing easily and enjoying one another's company. I still didn't feel that surge of emotion around Ginny that I had so longed for. Her touch didn't make my heart race, nor did her smile induce tender thoughts of love and devotion, but I found that as time went on my caring for her was beginning to return in small amounts and soon we were back to being close friends. I reasoned with myself that it would just take a bit more time for love to come and that it didn't have anything whatsoever to do with the blond bane of my existence filtering through my every thought.

Isaac and Ginny were still dating, and after a few meetings I noted that he was actually a really nice guy, even if he did look at me with suspicion. One could hardly blame him for the possessive arm he wound around her shoulders and the warning glances he sent my way considering Ginny's and my history. He was right to do so. I still hoped that someday she and I could get back to where we belonged, though recently I had actually found myself wishing that we were together merely to distract my mind from Malfoy, more than any desire to be with her personally. The thought was horrible and I reasoned with myself that if that was why I was thinking of rekindling our relationship then she was better off with Isaac. At least he wasn't using her.

****

It was nearly two weeks later and, though I still had my emotions, I was driving myself crazy with thoughts of Malfoy. What the hell was going on with the blond git? Why was he ignoring me? The last time we had met I had been so sure that he'd felt something, but two weeks of silence had me doubting it. Was this the end of our arrangement now that he'd had me? What would I do when the emotions left, as they always did? I couldn't go back to that desolation now that I had finally started rebuilding my life.

With this thought in mind I found myself on constant 'Malfoy watch'. Any time I was in the same room with him I would watch him intently, waiting for him to look up at me, desperate to catch him so that I could be sure that I hadn't somehow dreamed up his reaction to me. I did my best to juggle my friends and my new hobby, most of the time succeeding in multi-tasking - carrying on a conversation while looking at Malfoy from my peripheral vision. They weren't completely oblivious to my inattention but when they pointed it out I did my best to convince them it was nothing, abandoning my task until they stopped focusing on me. In the moments I didn't spend watching him, I could swear I felt his eyes on me, their molten heat burning through me, and somehow, over time, my task became a game. I would watch Malfoy a while before turning away, pretending to ignore him, feeling his eyes almost immediately. After a few moments I would turn back, hurrying to catch him, but as always he would easily avoid my gaze. It was both amusing and infuriating.

Our little game lasted for a couple of days before I finally got what I wanted. That Friday the Gryffindors had double potions with the Slytherins. Normally I would have been excited about the situation, but that day I was feeling more annoyed than usual, having woken from a particularly vivid wet dream featuring one Draco Malfoy. My body was wound tight as a bowstring, practically thrumming with sexual tension and need. A need that only a certain blond Slytherin could see to, if only he weren't avoiding me.

I listened as closely as I could to Professor Slughorn's opening lecture about the potion we were meant to brew during the second half of our lesson, fighting my usual urge to let my gaze wander over to Malfoy's table. Any time I felt the urge I hurt myself, my teeth biting into my lip or my fingernails slicing into my palms, anything to distract me. The urge intensified when my neck began to tingle and I knew he was looking at me. He could look all he liked but I was done. I wouldn't get sucked back into that game and torture myself even more.

Gripping my quill, I began furiously taking notes, digging the nib in roughly in my effort to control my urge to look and my growing anger at the Slytherin. All of a sudden my quill snapped under the intensity of my grip and I growled out a curse, my head snapping up to look at Malfoy in fierce anger. Surprisingly, my eyes actually met his and held. It was as if he wanted to look away but couldn't, perhaps trapped in the violence of my gaze as I glared at him. The whole class had melted away and there was just the two of us, staring intently at one another, unable to look away. My heart was pounding as I noted the desire in his gaze. He wasn't immune to me, not by a long shot. He was practically devouring me with his eyes and I reveled in the knowledge that he was just as weak as I was. There was no doubt he wanted me. So why the hell had he been avoiding me all this time? I didn't know, but damned if I wasn't going to find out.

'…Mr. Malfoy?' Slughorn asked, his voice finally penetrating the fog that had enveloped us. Malfoy blinked as though waking slowly from a dream.

'Huh? What? Sorry, Professor, could you repeat the question?' Malfoy stammered in possibly the most un-Malfoy-like manner. I'd never seen him so ineloquent.

'I asked what reaction Monkshood would have when mixed with Strengthening potion.' he repeated, his face expectant. Malfoy may not have had Professor Snape to treat him with favoritism anymore, but he was still top of the class in potions and had never failed to answer a question correctly in the subject.

The blond blinked a few more times before bending his head over his text and fumbling through the pages, obviously searching for some hint of to the correct answer.

'Well, Mr. Malfoy?' Slughorn prompted, looking sterner by the second.

'I…I'm afraid I don't know,' Malfoy answered quietly.

'I see. Perhaps you should pay closer attention in class rather than engaging in staring contests with Mr. Potter. Miss Granger, perhaps you could inform Mr. Malfoy of the correct answer,' he replied.

Malfoy sank into his seat, his face burning with embarrassment as Hermione recited the answer. He didn't look at me for the rest of the class.

****

Malfoy sprang from his seat the moment the bell rang, his face still pink as he swept from the room. I stuffed my books and notes into my bag and rushed after him, throwing an excuse over my shoulder to Ron and Hermione. I was determined to catch up with him and demand he explain himself for his flip-flopping attitude over the last few days.

He was quite a bit ahead of me already, and I just caught a flash of blond hair as he turned the corner to my right. I picked up my pace, weaving my way through the bodies that surrounded me, my focus completely on my mission. Just as I rounded the corner I saw him disappear into a boy's bathroom. Pulling out my well-loved Marauder's Map, I opened it and surveyed the dungeon bathroom and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that Malfoy was the only occupant of the room. If I were to confront him, the last thing we needed was an audience. I looked around, noting with satisfaction that the corridor had all but emptied at this point, and swiftly entered the bathroom, locking the door quietly as it swung shut.

I stood just inside the door for a moment, not speaking as I watched Malfoy bend over the sink and splash water on his face. The grace he normally exuded seemed reduced to nervous movements, his hands shaking as he wiped the droplets from around his eyes and contemplated his reflection. I was captivated by the indecision that I saw in his unguarded gaze and longed to know what had put it there. My heart tugged a bit, wanting somehow to erase the emotion from him and replace it with something happier.

Suddenly, as though he had heard my thoughts or sensed my presence, he looked up, catching sight of me in the mirror. Almost instantly all signs of life seemed to drain from his eyes as he straightened his stance, turned and regarded me coldly.

'What the hell do you want, Potter?' Malfoy asked with narrowed eyes.

'We need to talk,' I announced firmly.

'What, embarrassing me in class isn't good enough, now you have to annoy me in the toilets?' he barked sharply.

'Technically I didn't do anything to you in class. You're the one who got caught staring at me. I could hardly force you to do that,' I quipped lightly, arranging my face in a mask of pure innocence.

'Whatever, Potter, I don't have time for this,' he replied, his eyes narrowing further as he seemed to notice he would have to go through me to get to the exit.

'Why have you been avoiding me?' It seemed as good a time as any to be blunt with the Slytherin.

'I have a life outside of you and our little meetings, you know? Not everything is about you.'

'You had your cock up my arse for fuck's sake, and all of the sudden you disappear,' I bit out, rage and humiliation mingling together inside of my gut at the way he so easily brushed it aside.

'Do you realize how pathetic you sound? Merlin, one meaningless shag and you follow me around like a puppy dog, stalking me in the boys' toilets, begging for explanations. Typical bloody virgin. I'm through with you, Potter. I got what I wanted and now I'm bored with you,' he explained snidely, unaware that the look in his eyes belied his foul tongue.

'Bullshit,' I countered, not believing his rhetoric for a second. I might have bought it earlier that week, but after the incident in class I wasn't about to let him excuse it all away.

'Excuse me?' Panic laced through his eyes but he held firm, his hands making fists at his sides, as if he couldn't decide whether he'd rather snog me or punch me in the face.

'I saw the way you looked at me in class. You want me,' I replied boldly, enjoying the momentary surprise that flashed across his face before he pasted on his trademark sneer.

'Fuck, Potter, just how big is your ego? Face it; you were nothing more than a passing amusement. I'm no longer interested in you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than assuage your delicate feelings.'

With that, the blond started forward, intent on sweeping past me. Anger bubbled up within my chest and burst forward. I wasn't about to let him get away that easily. Grabbing his arm tightly, I whipped him around, slamming his back into the door of the nearest cubicle, pushing him through to pin him against the wall, the partition shaking violently with the force of the impact.

'What the fuck?' he exclaimed, taken aback by the force of my attack, his breath whooshing from him as I slammed him into the cubicle wall. His eyes went wide at the look on my face and shock at my callous manhandling kept him in place as I leaned my body fully against his prone form, my erection digging deliciously into his. Grinning in vicious triumph, I rotated my hips, grinding our lengths together and drawing a tiny moan of desire from him, his hands finding their way to my waist to spur me on.

'Not interested?' I asked, my voice amused and full of lust. 'It seems your cock would beg to differ,' I whispered, bringing my mouth close to his, our lips brushing as I formed the words. My proximity seemed to make his mind go blank, his eyes darkening and hooding with lust as his breath sped up.

Drunk with the power I held over him, I toyed with his lips a bit longer before desire and need overwhelmed me and I slammed my mouth against his in violent urgency. He responded immediately, kissing me deeply as he moved his hips against me. His lips were heaven and the friction divine, but I wanted more.

I ripped myself from his grasp, ignoring his muttered protest, and dropped to my knees. His eyes went wide as I looked up at him, my hands unfastening his belt without instruction or demand from him. I wanted him in my mouth. Wanted to taste him, drink him down. The realization that I not only wanted him, but was no longer denying it seemed to affect him deeply and I watched several trails of emotion surge across his face as I worked with the fastening on his trousers, pushing them down to his knees.

'P-Potter…' he began, his voice full of wonder before he gasped, throwing his head back into the wall with a wanton sound as my mouth took him in completely.

I moaned at the taste of Malfoy, my body surging with delight at having what I'd been denied for two weeks. My head bobbed enthusiastically as I fought to get as much of him as I could, the tip of his velvety cock bumping my throat at every pass. My hands caressed his thighs as I worked his length with my lips and tongue, drawing soft patterns on his trembling skin as he writhed above me. His hands found their way into my hair and gripped the locks viciously, tugging hard as he began to thrust lightly into my mouth. I hummed loudly at the sensation, loving the pain of his grip, vibrating his cock and bringing an answering groan of pleasure from his throat.

'Fuck, Potter…so good,' he encouraged as his hips sped up, salty precome leaking onto my tongue as I brought him to the edge. As I felt his cock begin to swell even more, I brought my hands from around his thighs to grip the pert cheeks of his arse, kneading them roughly as I took him fully in my mouth, my nose burying itself in his soft blond curls.

The combination of my hands and mouth seemed to be all too much and soon he was crying out, his fingers tightening painfully in my hair as shot after shot of hot come poured down my waiting throat. I closed my eyes, drinking down as much of the fluid as I could, loving the salty taste of my enemy.

I stayed on my knees, my mouth gently cleaning Malfoy's cock as it began to soften, drawing out the moment as much as possible. The blond's hands had loosened in my hair, his body relaxed post-orgasm, and were trailing lightly through the tormented locks. I allowed myself to enjoy the touch before I released Malfoy's prick and slowly got to my feet. Stepping back, I leaned against the opposite wall, watching him closely as I caught my breath.

After a moment, I pushed away from the wall and turned to open the door. I was still hard but I knew better than to expect Malfoy to reciprocate. As I reached for the latch, a slender hand closed over mine and suddenly I was pressed against the wall he'd just vacated, Malfoy's face staring into mine intently. I looked at him curiously, but as I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing, he shocked me into silence by dropping to his knees. His silver gaze never wavered from mine as his hands easily pushed my trousers down, freeing my impossibly hard erection from its cloth prison. A heard of rampaging Hippogriffs could have charged through the boy's loo just then and I wouldn't have been able to tear my eyes from the sight of Draco Malfoy, the perfect Slytherin prince, kneeling in front of me with my cock in his hand. My heart stuttered, and at that moment I knew I was in deeper trouble with the Slytherin than I had previously realized.

All thought flew from my mind as those perfect pink lips wrapped around my cock, engulfing my aching erection in his hot, wet mouth. My knees shook and my body trembled at the intensity of the sensation. I had never had a blowjob before but something told me Malfoy was a professional as his mouth worked me, his tongue sliding in a delicious pattern against my throbbing flesh. His eyes never left mine as he brought me closer and closer to climax. His fingers suddenly danced over my balls and past them, teasing my twitching hole as they hinted at penetration. All it took was one finger sliding into me, coupled with the intensity of Malfoy's hot gaze to have me screaming out his surname, my cock pulsing and shooting a copious amount of liquid into Malfoy's waiting mouth.

My eyes had closed at the height of orgasm, but flew open again as I felt Malfoy press a soft kiss to my abdomen. I looked down at him, expecting it to have been some trick of the mind, but there he was, still on his knees, eyes boring into mine as his lips caressed my skin once again. Even through my orgasm-induced fog, I was confused and I knew my face showed it.

Malfoy rose slowly, the movement of his body a graceful symphony as he stood to his full height, his close proximity forcing me to angle my head slightly upward to look him in the eyes. I waited for it, that angry countenance, the scathing words of hatred and derision, but they never came. What did come surprised me more than anything that had happened between us before. Soft hands traced my face gently before tilting my head back even further and suddenly he was kissing me. Not a bruising, punishing kiss. Not the violent kisses we had previously shared, but a real kiss.; soft and full of emotion. My heart stopped at the gentle caress of his swollen lips against mine, my body trembling with the intensity of it. After a few light passes of his mouth, he deepened the it, his tongue dipping into my mouth to tease mine and draw me further into the kiss. I went with it eagerly, diving headfirst into the sensations pouring through me as my hands gripped his waist for support.

We kissed for what felt like hours before he finally pulled back with a gasp, his forehead leaning against mine, eyes closed, as he caught his breath. Despite our recent activities, this was by far the most intimate and breathtaking I'd ever seen him. I watched his face as he leaned against me, unwilling to speak and break the spell that seemed to hover over us. Suddenly his eyes snapped open and his steel eyes bored into mine, his hands moving down to grip my shoulders tightly as his face slid into a hateful frown. His fingers dug into me and he pulled me forward only to slam me back into the wall viciously before stepping back and shaking his head. I stood there and watched, as he seemed to have some violent inner struggle with himself before he looked back up at me and cocked an eyebrow.

'See you around, Potter,' he said with a smirk, his voice filled with both amusement and loathing, though I was willing to bet that most of the loathing was directed at himself and not at me. With that, he opened the cubicle door, unlocked the door and left.

I stood against the wall for a few moments, doing my best to process what had just happened. Malfoy had not only let me suck him off, but had actually bothered to reciprocate with what seemed like candid enthusiasm. And then the most shocking thing of all; he'd kissed me as though he actually cared about me, as one might kiss their lover. I was confused and wary of overanalyzing the whole thing, so I decided not to think about it at all.

After everything I was pretty sure that our arrangement was back in action and that was all that really mattered. Merlin knew the last thing I needed to do was complicate things with my feelings for the enigma that was Malfoy, whatever they were. It was going to be hard enough to function for the rest of the day with thoughts of our bathroom escapade. Not that I minded. I was feeling better than I had in days. I smiled to myself as I tidied my appearance and left the bathroom, a tiny skip in my step.

****

As I entered the common room I was suddenly bowled over by an angry-looking Isaac Carmichael who pushed past me with a violent shove and slammed out of the portrait hole. I stared after him a moment before turning back to see Ginny sitting on the love seat of the common room in tears. A rush of concern came over me and I hurried over to the distraught girl.

'Gin, are you okay?' I asked, ever one for asking unnecessary questions.

'Oh, Harry,' she cried, throwing her arms around me and burying her blotchy, tear-stained face into my neck. The sudden movement caught me a bit off guard and had me tilting backward a bit before I regained my balance and wrapped comforting arms around the ginger.

'Sh, calm down now. What's wrong?' I soothed.

'I-it's Isaac…' she blubbered, the words barely distinguishable as she mumbled into my neck.

'What happened? Did he hurt you?' I asked, suddenly furious and ready to hurt the boy. I may not have been where I wanted to in regards to my feelings for Ginny, but I still cared about her and would kill anyone who hurt her.

'N-no nothing like that. We b-broke up,' she stuttered.

'Oh, I see. Do you want to talk about it?' I asked, moving my hands soothingly across her back.

'It's stupid really,' she replied, pulling back to wipe her face, her watery brown eyes shifting from my face to the floor in rapid succession.

'You know you can talk to me, whether you think it's stupid or not,' I answered, tilting her face to mine when she tried to avoid my gaze.

'He…well he accused me of wanting someone else,' she answered, still not quite meeting my eyes.

'Really? Who?' I asked, genuinely curious. After all, as far as I knew the only bloke Ginny had eyes for was Isaac. She certainly wasn't one to cheat or even let her eyes wander.

'You,' she answered, her eyes finally meeting mine.

'Oh.' I said, not quite sure what to say to that. If Isaac were right and Ginny still wanted me that way then I should be happy. It meant that my plan to get my life back in order was finally on track and I should have been dancing on the inside. For some reason, though, I couldn't feel anything other than a mild trepidation at the notion.

'It's silly, of course. We're just friends and I've told him that a thousand times but he keeps going on about how close we are and how I supposedly always look at you like I want to kiss you. It's ridiculous. I mean, we're just friends, right?' she asked, her face cautious as she waited for my answer.

This was it, my chance to take back my life and get back on track with Ginny. If I said yes we could get back together, get married and have kids someday. She was my best friend, my confidante, the only girl I would ever even consider marrying. So why was I hesitating? Despite all the reasons I should have said we weren't friends and that I wanted her back, I couldn't force the words past my throat. My brain was screaming at me to tell her I loved her, but my heart wouldn't let me.

'Yes, of course we're friends,' I answered, letting the moment slide past me and doing my best to ignore the slight downturn of her mouth. That wasn't the answer she'd wanted to hear but she took it in stride, renewing her over enthusiastic smile and patting my hand a few times.

'The best of friends,' she muttered.

'If he's behaving so jealously then it's probably for the best that you two broke up. You should be with someone who will love and trust you like you deserve,' I told her, stroking a hand down her back.

'I know. It's okay. If I'm being honest I saw this coming. He's a sweet guy but I wasn't as fully committed as I should have been. I just hope he forgives me and we can still be friends,' she said with hope in her voice.

'Is there anything I can do to help?'

'Just…sit with me a while?' she asked, sending me a pleading look.

'Sure, Gin. Of course,' I answered, sliding an arm around her and sitting back into the love seat as she settled herself against me. We sat and watched the fire dance, our voices mingling as we spoke of meaningless things, whiling away the time. It was a perfect evening. As I sat there, however, I couldn't figure out why, in a moment so perfect; Ginny in her usual cozy nook, fitting so perfectly as we spoke softly to each other, I couldn't stop thinking of a certain blond Slytherin.

****

A/N: It seems the boys are at a strange turning point...will the new found enderness last?

Please read and review!!!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to claim them, sadly I cannot. They belong to Madam JKR.

Warning: This fic contains mature content and sexual situations between men. If you don't like man/man action don't read!!

A/N: So I'm unable to sleep so I decided to post a new chapter. There's only one left after this one!

Thanks to all my readers and reviewers! Your feedback is much appreciated.

As always thanks to Lexx my darling beta and cupcake maker extraordinaire.

*****

Chapter 6

Ever since Ginny and Isaac had broken things off, I found myself encountering my ex-girlfriend more and more frequently. She was constantly finding reasons to join Hermione, Ron and myself for trips to Hogsmeade, studying, mealtimes, and anything else she could think of. Every time I turned around she was there with a smile and a soft touch. I went along with it, of course, ever playing the unwitting Harry Potter, but it wasn't hard to tell that Ginny was testing the waters and trying to rebuild the intimacy we had before.

Hermione seemed to know something I didn't; she was always smiling knowingly at us and encouraging our encounters, suggesting Ginny tag along on different outings and obviously pleased when I made no objections. It was clear that she was in on the whole thing and I wasn't exactly sure how to feel about that. On one hand I felt pleased that she supported the idea of Gin and I getting back together, on the other I felt even more pressure to go against the feelings in my gut, afraid to let even more people down if I were to bail out of my plan again. I was no longer certain of what I wanted. If I were to stick to my plan, I would lose Malfoy. If I abandoned it, I was giving up so much more.

I should have been happy about Ginny's renewed interest in me, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling extremely uncomfortable every time she touched me. I constantly had to remind myself that this was what I had wanted from the beginning. I wanted to get Ginny back and take my chance at a normal life. We were supposed to get married and have children and the only way to do that was to pretend that I wanted her attention. So, I shook off the feelings of discomfort and smiled at her antics, wondering if and when she would bring up the possibility of renewing our relationship.

Incidentally I didn't have to wait very long at all. After a couple of weeks of Ginny's 'subtle' flirtations and my seemingly oblivious status, she clearly thought it would be better to approach the subject in the blunt Gryffindor manner I often used myself.

'Harry, could I talk to you?' Ginny asked, her expression shy, but determined, as she stood in front of my chair. I looked up from my textbook, pausing in my studies and sent her a curious stare.

'Sure, Gin, what's up?' I asked easily, patting the seat beside me.

'Oh, um, I was kind of hoping we could talk in private,' she elaborated with a nervous look past me to Hermione and Ron, who were poorly pretending not to notice us.

'Okay, sure,' I answered, still showing confusion on my face but feeling my heart speed a bit as I anticipated our conversation. Turning back to the desk, I closed my books and nodded to my friends. 'I'll see you guys in a bit,' I said, doing my best to ignore Hermione's giddy smile and wink of encouragement.

'Where do you want to go?' I asked her as we headed out of Gryffindor Tower.

'Well, it's a nice night out; I thought we could go to the Astronomy Tower. It's pretty quiet up there,' she replied. I knew she had picked the spot because of its romantic atmosphere and I struggled to stifle the urge to run the other direction or suggest somewhere less intimate. Everything was going according to plan and I wasn't about to ruin it.

We made our way to the Tower in silence, each of us nervous about the coming conversation. Neither of us uttered a word as we finally climbed the last step, crossed the room, and leaned against the railing to gaze out at the stars. We stood there for a good ten minutes before I finally gulped down my uneasiness and broke the silence.

'It's really beautiful up here,' I whispered, reaching over to gently take her hand. 'What did you want to talk about, Gin?' I asked, stroking the back of her hand with my thumb to steady her nerves. She turned to face me and, taking a deep breath, practically launched herself at me, her free arm wrapping around my neck as her lips latched onto mine.

I staggered a bit, the unexpected attack catching me by surprise, before I managed to regain my footing and process the fact that Ginny was kissing me. My insides rebelled at the foreign touch but I forced myself to ignore the instinct that was screaming that the kiss was all wrong. I wrapped my free arm around her and kissed her back gently, desperate to erase the image of Draco Malfoy's face that popped into my mind. This was how it was supposed to be. I was meant to be here with Ginny. Never mind that she was too short, her curves all wrong, her lips too soft and pliant. Forget that the texture of her hair was too coarse, her taste too cloyingly sweet, or that her scent irritated my nostrils and didn't fill me with the desperate desire for more. This was my goal and I was happy to be there, even if it didn't feel quite right.

After a few moments I was forced to pull away, needing air and unable to deny my body's insistence that kissing her was a misguided attempt to fuse together what my mind wanted and body wanted. We stood there a moment, just staring at one another and my heart sank at the depth of joy and hope that glittered in her brown eyes. I looked down into her face and knew that I would never want or love her the way she expected me to. Guilt consumed me at the thought. What the hell was I going to do? One kiss and my body was screaming to get away from the girl I'd once thought myself in love with. One kiss and suddenly I was consumed by guilt as though I had somehow betrayed Malfoy. I was truly damaged.

'Oh, Harry,' Ginny said softly, her face filled with adoration as she moved closer to me and wrapped her arms around my waist, looking up at me with needy eyes. 'I missed you so much. I had almost given up hope that you would ever love me again, but the last few weeks have been so wonderful. It feels the way it used to before the war. I wasn't sure if I should bring it up, but Hermione said I shouldn't hide my feelings for you any more. I still love you Harry and I want to give us another chance,' she rambled, obviously emboldened by our kiss, her fear of rejection lessened by my reaction to it.

'Gin, I…' I began, unsure of what to say. Why couldn't I just give her the answer she wanted? Here was yet another chance to get my life back and all I could do was scramble for ways to get out of it. I needed more time. After all, I couldn't just get back together with her when I didn't know if the Apathy was truly gone. That wouldn't be fair to either of us. I needed more time with Malfoy - purely to secure the stability of my emotions of course - and I couldn't keep meeting with him if Ginny and I got back together. I may have been fucked up but I still would never condone cheating on my partner.

'Harry?' Ginny prompted, her eyes taking on a worried gleam.

'Look, Gin, you know I love you. I just think we may be rushing back into things, you know? Maybe we should wait a little while?' I suggested, stroking my hands down her back in an effort to sooth her reaction.

'You want to wait?' she asked, hurt and confusion showing on her face.

'I just want to make sure I can give you everything you need and deserve. There are still some things I have to work through before I can allow myself to get involved with you again. It's not that I don't want to be with you, I just need a bit more time to sort out my own head,' I answered, sticking as close to the truth as possible.

'I see,' she said, stepping back from me as she considered my words. 'Fine. If you need time I'll give you time. There's four more weeks left until term ends. You have until then.'

'Gin…'

'No, Harry. Look, I hate to put a time limit on this but honestly, I won't wait any longer. It hurts too much. I love you but I want to know you love me too. I don't deserve to sit around waiting for you to make up your mind,' she replied, her voice taking on a hard edge.

'You're right. You shouldn't have to. Alright, four weeks,' I agreed. She nodded stiffly and turned to head for the door.

'Gin,' I began, waiting for her to turn around before I continued. 'Thank you.'

She merely sent me a half smile and nodded before heading out of the door and down the steps. I sighed and turned back to the railing, my neck craning back as I looked at the stars. How the hell had everything gotten so complicated? All I wanted to do was get my life back to where it was supposed to be and now I wasn't sure what to do with the opportunity fate had provided me with. Logically I knew the best thing to do was to chase after Ginny, tell her I loved her and to end this foolish romp with Malfoy. To refuse to do so was the dumbest thing I could think of and yet, I couldn't form the words.

Perhaps this was just my body's way of telling me that I wasn't ready to end things with Malfoy because there was more work to do on my emotions. If ended things now, would the apathy return and steal away all I'd worked to achieve? I couldn't chance it. I needed Malfoy, at least for a bit longer. If I were to make Ginny happy, I'd need to make sure my emotions were secure. It was only fair.

***

I met Malfoy that night, my mind still reeling with thoughts of Ginny's kiss and what had happened between us as I made my way to the seventh floor. The conversation ran rampant in my head, making me anxious and desperate for Malfoy's soothing presence. How odd it was to think of Malfoy soothing my mind, especially when it was Ginny, of all people, who had wrecked it. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be seeking solace from my ex-girlfriend in the arms of my hated enemy, I would have laughed in their face. But I couldn't deny it was the case now, nor did I care. I had long since accepted my deep-seated need for the Slytherin.

After our bathroom tryst, Malfoy and I stopped hedging each other and began to meet regularly. I figured neither of us could deny our attraction to one another any more, so what was the point in fighting it? At first we met two or three times a week, but it wasn't long before we were meeting nearly every night. It seemed to me that he needed our encounters nearly as much as I did.

Neither of us mentioned the fundamental shift in our relationship, but we both knew that with each meeting our entanglement grew deeper than just fighting and sex. It was evident in the soft touches, the lingering glances and the gentling of our kisses. Ever since I had cornered him in the bathroom that day, Malfoy had stopped punishing me and seemingly started caring for me, or at least caring if I enjoyed myself. He would always make sure I was satisfied, taking care of my needs, oftentimes before his own.

Perhaps the most telling change was that we no longer met in that dusty old classroom, but had moved our trysts to the Room of Requirement and a proper bed. There were still times when we'd shag spontaneously, such as our meeting in the bathroom, or that time we'd dared to fuck in the showers after the Gryffindor V Slytherin game. Malfoy may have lost the battle but he sure as hell won the war that day. Most of the time, though, we met in that room and shagged on a proper bed. When I asked Malfoy about his change of venue he merely shrugged and replied 'It's more comfortable'.

Little by little we began to open up to each other, first with those physical overtures, and then by finding reasons to prolong our meetings. We would meet, have sex, and then stay together, sweat cooling on our bodies as we just enjoyed being with one another. We began to talk, slowly getting to know more about the other in between fucking and fighting. There were still plenty of fights. No matter how well we seemed to get on, Malfoy and I never could resist a good fight. Most of the time they were petty arguments that merely served in giving us an excuse to shag again.

My emotions hadn't abandoned me since before our bathroom rendezvous and I was beginning to think that I might just have found the key to keeping them. Something about Malfoy kept me going, filled me with warmth to keep the apathy at bay. He had brought me back to life with his kisses.

The more we talked with one another, the more deeply I became enthralled with him. Though I spent my days with my friends, my thoughts were always drifting back to Draco. I began to find myself wondering what he was doing with his day, what he would think of a particular joke I heard or an item I saw in Hogsmeade. I tried my best not to acknowledge what those little inferences could mean, but eventually I admitted, at least to myself, that somehow, somewhere in the last six months I had fallen head over heels in love with Draco Malfoy.

At first I fought with the thought, desperate for it not to be true. I even attempted to stop our meetings, but after a couple of days I missed him too much not to give in all over again. The times I tried to resist, he 'punished' me and it became yet another of our games. I would resist and he would push me to the breaking point, spanking or degrading me with delicious torture until I admitted that I belonged to him and he finally took me, slaking my lust and his. Little did he know just how serious I was when I proclaimed that I belonged to him. How deeply entrenched he was in my heart.

I thought about telling him, but decided against it. This was Draco Malfoy for fuck's sake. My nemesis of seven years; enemy turned lover. We had fabulous sex but I was fooling myself if I thought that it was anything more to him than that. I was sure he felt at least something for me, why else would he continue to meet me? Why else would he try to ensure my pleasure? That didn't mean that he loved me the way I did him. Could he even truly love anyone? I didn't know. Being a considerate lover didn't mean he held me in some high regard, but more likely it was just a way of making sure I stayed his lover, his amusement, until he had tired of our arrangement. I hated that I loved him when I knew that he would never feel the same, but it didn't keep me from his bed.

As I approached the door to the Room of Requirement, I slipped off my invisibility cloak and moved to take the handle. Before I could turn it, the door opened and I was suddenly faced with my gorgeous blond Slytherin. Just seeing him had the tension draining out of me and it was quickly replaced by a steady thrum of desire.

'You're late, Potter,' he admonished, one eyebrow raised to show just how unimpressed he was.

'Sorry, I got delayed,' I replied, staring a moment longer before I gave into temptation and jumped him, kissing him as deeply and passionately as I could, saying everything with my lips that I couldn't voice aloud. I let out a moan at the taste of him. This was right. This was home. I drowned myself in his flavor, letting it wash over me and erase the taste that Ginny had left behind.

His reaction was instantaneous; his arms winding around me, one hand in my hair the other at my waist as he moaned into my mouth. Stumbling back, he dragged me into the room, slamming and sealing the door behind us, and began tugging at my clothes. Our mouths danced together, fiery and hot, our hands shaking with the intensity of the moment as we divested each other of clothing, all the while making our way to the giant four-posted bed in the center of the room. When we reached our destination, I took control, pushing the blond forcefully onto the bed and climbing atop him, all the while worshipping his body with my hands and mouth.

'Eager tonight aren't we, Potter?' Malfoy breathed out in between shivers of pleasure.

'Sit up against the headboard,' I ordered firmly. Malfoy raised an eyebrow at the command but seemed to be intrigued by my sudden forcefulness and complied.

Once he was properly positioned I spread his legs and moved between them, tickling the hairs on them as I slid my hands toward his delicious erection. Without another word I leaned in and took his cock into my mouth, licking and sucking at the flesh with languid movements, relishing the uncontrolled sound of pleasure that issued from his mouth. He tasted so good, the weight of his cock thick and heavy against my tongue felt so right that I felt like I could spend the rest of my life teasing it.

I worked him with all the expertise I now had, my tongue delving into all the places I knew he loved, my hands stroking every erogenous zone they could reach. I was an expert on his body by now; if asked I could draw a very detailed map of the sensitive spots on Malfoy's body, even ones I knew he hadn't known existed before our little arrangement began. It filled me with a heady sense of power to know that there were places I had touched that no one before me had discovered. The thought spurred me on and my head began to bob even harder as I worked to wring every last moan and sound of pleasure that I could from the Slytherin.

When I could see he was getting close to the edge, I slowed, not wanting him to come like that. I wanted him inside of me, filling me with his essence and claiming me for his own. Reluctantly, I let his cock slide from my mouth with a wet pop and, ignoring his growl of frustration, moved to lay a string of kisses up his perfect torso. I sucked on every inch of succulent flesh, feasting on Malfoy as though I was a starving man and he was a twelve-course meal.

I paused when I reached his face and for a moment I merely stared into his pewter eyes, darkened and hazed with lust, completely lost in a sea of emotion and longing for this man, my one time hated enemy. Malfoy seemed to come out of his daze long enough to send me a searching look, full of confusion and oddly enough, hope. The look unnerved me and I shook my head, dispelling the thoughts that were no doubt playing on my face and got back to my seduction. Breaking our staring contest, I moved my lower body to straddle his hips, allowing his slick cock to rest between my arse cheeks, teasing us both. I gasped at the feel of his length rubbing so enticingly against me, grinding my arse back lightly to draw out the sensation. Malfoy's hands reached up to grasp at my arse cheeks, raising his hips to slide himself along the crease with a moan.

Giving into temptation, I brought my eyes back to his hooded ones and stared intently at him before I leaned in and captured his lips with my own. The kiss was deep and full of wanting, and soon we were both lost. After a few moments I couldn't take it any more, the desire had built to an all time high and something had to give. With that thought, I eagerly lifted my hips, pulling my mouth from the Slytherin's long enough to mumble a wandless lubrication spell, and lowered myself onto his shaft in one swift movement.

Malfoy's head fell back and hit the headboard with a hard thud as he gasped and let out a loud curse, a sentiment I gladly echoed as I felt his perfect length fill me. It was a tight fit without any preparation, but I didn't want it any other way. I wanted to feel him completely, each and every ridge pulsing deep within me, making me feel what no one else ever could. This was what I longed for, this was what I needed. Malfoy inside me, completing me. Consumed by my lust and affection for the blond beneath me, I began to kiss him again, drinking in every part of him that I could, our tongues mimicking the movements of our sex in a delicious chorus of penetration.

I cried out, tearing my mouth from Malfoy's as he began to thrust upwards, twisting his hips to strike that delicious spot of pleasure inside of me with unerring accuracy. With every pass of his cock inside of me he wrenched his name from my lips, filling the air with an endless chant of 'Malfoy' as I clung to his sweaty shoulders, my head falling back on my shoulders as I rode his thick prick with reckless abandon.

Suddenly, his breathing changed and I knew he was close to orgasm. I snapped my head forward, catching his eyes with mine as I moaned his name again, eager to see his face when he filled me with his come. I don't know if it was the eye contact or the moaning of his surname but all of the sudden he thrust upward one last time, the tip of his cock slamming into my prostate and we were coming together in a symphony of shouts and moans, our eyes never leaving one another's. It was the single most intense moment I'd shared with him thus far and it left me utterly drained.

Once we had wrung the last of the orgasms from one another, I collapsed against him, my face landing in the sweetness of his neck as our sticky chests met. We stayed there for what felt like ages, my breath stirring Malfoy's soft locks as his hands traced a path from my arse to my lower back and down again in a continuous soothing motion. I had never felt more content in my life and I longed so much to stay there with him and tell him how I felt. I wanted to sleep with him, wake up next to him in the morning and be his lover - not just someone he fucked - but his lover in the true sense of the word. I clenched my eyes shut and swallowed the words before they could make their way out of my mouth. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin the moment of tenderness we were sharing. Not to mention that such a confession would surely end our arrangement and I couldn't let him go just yet. I wanted to keep him for as long as I could, even if it was only sex.

It amazed me every time I thought of how we'd come to be here. Even before I had lost my sense of self, before the war had reached its climax, I had never felt the way Malfoy could make me feel. If the war had gone differently, if I hadn't been so consumed by emptiness I would never have found the peace that he could bring me. It was amazing, unbelievable that Draco Malfoy would not only be the person to save me from an empty existence, but that he would root himself so deeply in my heart. I loved him, there was no denying it, but as much as I wanted to tell him that, I knew he'd never return my feelings. Whatever tenderness he showed during or after sex was just the result of someone who appreciated their sexual partner. I bit back a snort as I pictured the disgusted sneer on his face were I to confess the depth of my emotions. No, I could never tell him how I truly felt. But, suddenly, in that moment I wanted to tell him the truth of how our agreement began. I needed to share it with him, even if he didn't know why. I didn't know why it was so important but in that moment I began to speak.

'Do you still want to know?' I asked quietly, my voice cutting through the comfortable silence like a knife.

'What are you on about, Potter?' Malfoy asked sleepily, not sounding as if he gave a damn what I was saying.

'Do you still want to know why I started this whole thing?' I elaborated, levering my head off of his shoulder to sit back in his lap to look him in the eyes.

'Okay,' he answered, his grey eyes suddenly alert and curious.

'After the war…' I began, faltering as I remembered the darkness of those days. He looked at me expectantly and after a moment I cleared my throat and continued. 'After the war something happened to me. I stopped being able to feel. It was as if the life had been drained out of me. As though every friend and loved one I buried took a piece of my soul with them until I was nothing but a hollowed out apathetic shell. I still don't know why it happened, but I was left empty. I died.'

'But you survived the war. You lived,' Malfoy interjected.

'On the outside I lived, but inside I was dead. Everyone kept congratulating me and praising me for my defeat of Voldemort, saying how much heart I had and how I was a true hero, so strong and unbreakable. They never looked deep enough; never saw that I _had _broken.'

'What does that have to do with me?'

'I tried everything I could think of; cheering charms, my friends, Quidditch, anything that used to incite deep feeling in me, but nothing worked. Not until I saw you again.' He raised an eyebrow at that, but he didn't comment.

'That first day we fought in the corridor woke me up inside. Somehow, you touched a part of me that I was sure was long dead. You and I always did have a way of getting under one another's skin, but it wasn't until that moment I realized just how deep you could get. I was elated, thinking that somehow you had cured me of that empty prison I'd been trapped in. It was true, but that only lasted until dinner that night.'

'So you decided to use me like some sort of drug?' he asked, not sounding angry, but definitely a bit distant.

'At first, yes. The more I was around you, the more we met, the longer the emotions stayed. Much like a drug I was on the ultimate high, but also the ultimate low when I crashed. I fought with meeting you for as long as possible, not wanting to acknowledge that you had any kind of power over me but, as we both know, that didn't turn out how I'd planned either.'

'So, when you leave here, your emotions will fade?' he asked. There was nothing judgmental about his expression, merely a curiosity he seemed to need sated.

'Actually, no, I don't think so. I haven't lost my feelings for a while now,' I admitted.

'Then why do you keep meeting me, if not to regain them?' he asked, his grey eyes burning with intensity as he asked the question. I stayed silent at first, staring at him, emotions I couldn't control seeping onto my features. I'd never been as good as he when it came to hiding them, especially not since I'd spent so long without them.

'Because, I can't help myself,' I whispered finally. It was the closest admission to my true feelings as I had ever come and I braced myself for his mocking comments.

They never came. In fact, he never said anything, but rather leaned forward and kissed me, softly at first and then with growing urgency. That night we didn't fuck, we made love.

****

I crept back into the common room just as the sky was turning a pre-dawn grey, an idiotic grin etched on my face and a bounce in my step. It had been a wonderful night. Malfoy and I had made new ground in our arrangement - I was still reluctant to call it a relationship - and had even dozed together for a while. I could still feel the warmth of his arms around me and my lips tingled with the last of his kisses. It didn't even bother me that he'd woken from his nap and shoved me rudely from the bed with the excuse that we were just fucking and that I shouldn't turn it into some sappy Gryffindor romance. I had just smiled at him and kissed him before throwing on my cloak and leaving. I knew his words were just a way of him trying to put distance between us; they'd not held a tenth of the scorn he used to use when he spoke to me. He had said them with what could almost be described as affection. Almost.

I glanced around the common room as I gently let the portrait slide closed again, letting out a sigh of relief that the room was empty. Or at least, I thought it was. As I turned to head for the boys stairs, I was halted by a low voice.

'Stop right there,' she said.

My eyes widened and I froze. Slowly I turned to face the room once more, squinting into the darkness of the distant corners. The speaker cast a _Lumos _and suddenly there was Hermione standing two feet from me, her face stern in the magical light. Without another word her arm shot out and tore the invisibility cloak from around my body, tossing it aside in her anger.

'Um, morning 'Mione,' I said brightly, a weak smile gracing my face. Her stern expression did not soften in the slightest.

'Harry James Potter what the hell is the matter with you?' she demanded, her voice cutting at me with razor sharpness.

'I…um…what do you mean?' I asked innocently.

'Don't you look at me like that. You know exactly what I mean. I saw you with Malfoy,' she informed me, her eyes blazing.

'W-What?' I managed, my heart dropping into my stomach.

'I saw you with Malfoy,' she repeated.

'What do you mean? I mean…how?'

'Ginny told me what happened tonight. She said you wanted more time to think before you got back together and I just couldn't figure it out. Why would you need more time when it was so obvious that the two of you were getting on again? So I was determined to find you and talk some sense into you but you were no where to be found. When you came racing back into the common room and said you were going to bed I got suspicious. You never go to bed that early. So I waited, pretended to go to bed and then came back into the common room disillusioned. I didn't have to wait too long before you came back down, hidden by the cloak. I followed you, all the while wondering what you could possibly be hiding. When we reached the Room of Requirement, I realized you were meeting someone. Suddenly it was clear why you didn't want to get back with Ginny now; you were seeing someone else.'

'That's not it! I mean…I'm not seeing someone else,' I insisted. Her hands flew to her hips as she shot me a look that clearly asked '_do I look stupid to you_?'. 'It's not like we're _seeing _each other, we just…meet is all,' I finished lamely. Her eyes narrowed at my attempt to trivialize the situation before she continued her rant.

'I was about to confront you then and there when the door opened and I was confused again. I couldn't figure out why you would be meeting Malfoy of all people. And then you kissed him and I nearly fainted. You _kissed _him, Harry,' she repeated, a look of utter disgust on her face.

I couldn't think of anything to say so I merely stood there, my heart thundering and shame washing over me as I saw the utter revulsion she displayed.

'What the hell is going on with you? Don't you care about Ginny at all?' she demanded.

'Of course I do!' I insisted.

'Then why are you leading her on? She doesn't need you playing with her heart Harry!'

'I'm not playing with her heart, I want to be with her,' I told her. It was true in a sense. I wanted the life she could give me, because I'd never be able to have that with Malfoy, not even if…but it didn't matter if he returned my feelings anyway. We were worlds apart, he and I.

'Then what's with the midnight rendezvous? For Merlin's sake Harry, what possessed you to take up with Malfoy?'

'I…it's…it's complicated,' I replied, still not ready to tell her the full truth.

'Well, I'm a pretty fast learner, Harry. Enlighten me.' she snapped, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

'I can't,' I muttered lamely.

'So help me, Harry, if you don't give me one damn good explanation for this I will be forced to tell Ginny. She's my friend and I will not allow you to jerk her around the way you are,' she threatened.

'Fine! Alright, I'll tell you,' I relented. Taking a deep breath I motioned towards the couch and we sat. After a moments hesitation I launched myself into the story, telling her all about the apathy, my fear of telling her and Ron, and my need for Malfoy. She listened with vicious attention, her face only softening when I spoke of how alone I was, of how lost I had become.

'Oh, Harry why didn't you come to us? You know we would have been there for you,' she admonished softly, upset that I hadn't brought her and Ron in on the problem sooner.

'I tried to, Hermione, but I was afraid. I didn't want to involve you two. You were so happy being a couple finally, and I didn't want to throw my freakish problems into the mix. Besides, I found a way to fix it in the end.'

'Like hell! Harry, seeing Draco Malfoy is hardly a solution to this problem. You are ruining any chances you have for a normal future if you keep this up!'

'Don't you think I know that?' I demanded, my eyes suddenly blazing as I stood from the couch to pace. 'Don't you think I realize how precarious everything is? How close I am to having everything I wanted, but also how easily I could lose it? I'm terrified that I'll screw it all up, but I can't seem to stop this,' I ranted.

'You're going to have to, Harry. You have to choose,' she told me.

'I know…' I whispered, covering my face as I lowered myself back to the couch.

'Do you love him?' she enquired suddenly, her voice hesitant and soft.

'Yes,' I breathed, my voice barely audible as I refused to look at her.

'Does he love you?'

I thought about it, truly thought about it and couldn't answer her. It seemed as though he cared about me as much as he was capable of, but was that enough? I couldn't see the Prince of Slytherin proposing to Harry Potter, I couldn't hear the joyous voices of children filling the halls of Malfoy Manor, not like I could imagine with Ginny.

'Hermione, it's Malfoy. I don't think he's able to love. He enjoys me, I suppose, enjoys what we do together, but he's never said anything about feelings,' I said at last, trying to convince myself as much as her.

'What you need to ask yourself, Harry, is if that's enough. Are you willing to give up everything for a boy who probably doesn't and won't ever love you? You know you'll lose everything, Ron and Ginny will never forgive you, the Weasley's wouldn't be able to look at you the same way and Wizarding society would think you mad for fraternizing with an ex Death Eater. Is Malfoy worth all of that? If he is than by all means, be with him. But if this is just a passing fling, if he doesn't feel the same way as you, if you give up everything and he leaves you, what then? You'll be alone and miserable and I couldn't stand to see that happen to you. If you were with Ginny, things would be like they were always meant to be…you'd have the family you always wanted, you could have kids and a great life,' she said, and I'd given myself those same excuses before, but one counter argument always popped up against those very good points.

'But I wouldn't have Malfoy,' I mumbled, feeling torn and miserable. Her words made perfect sense, just like they had in my head for weeks now, but my heart just couldn't let go of that fundamental aspect of following my path. If I chose Ginny, I'd lose Malfoy. If I chose Malfoy, I'd lose everything else. Was it too high a price to pay? Could I live without my family?

'Ultimately, Harry, it's your choice. You have to make your decision soon. It's not fair to keep Ginny waiting for an answer. I only hope that you choose the right path,' she replied, her arm coming around me in a brief hug before she stood and made her way back to her dormitory.

I sat on the couch a while longer, all the happiness from before drained away as I contemplated Hermione's words and the decision I would have to make.

****

A/N:: What do you think he'll do? Who will he choose? The answer may surprise you…

Please read and review


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to claim them, sadly I cannot. They belong to Madam JKR.

Warning: This fic contains mature content and sexual situations between men. If you don't like man/man action don't read!

A/N: Dun Dun DUHHH! 'Tis the final chapter! A million and one thank you's to the lovely Lexx for her beta and support! Thanks to all my readers and reviwers, you are all appreciated!

Chapter 7

Over the next few days Hermione's words played in a constant loop through my mind. Though I had already reached the same conclusion, hearing her voice the situation aloud had put my thoughts into overdrive. I would have to choose, but how would I make that decision when my head and heart were in two different places? I knew I could be happy with Ginny, even if she wasn't the one I craved. Could I be happy with Draco? I didn't even know what he wanted or what his goals and plans for the future was. Would there be room in there for me or was this whole thing just a school fling?

I rolled the questions around in my mind for days, and nearly drove myself crazy before I decided to ask the Slytherin himself. It would have to seem casual so I wouldn't frighten him away with what could be perceived as clinginess, but I had to know his intentions before I chose one way or the other. I waited until the next time we met, waited until we were both sweaty and content, basking in the afterglow of another round of mind-blowing sex before I launched my attack.

'So, school is nearly over,' I mentioned casually, still wrapped in the comfort of his arms, his hands tracing the usual nonsensical patterns over the flesh of my back.

'Mm,' he acknowledged sleepily.

'I was thinking about applying for the Auror program, maybe start with a summer internship,' I added, hoping he would reciprocate with some nugget of his own.

'Why does that not surprise me? Harry Potter, ever the little hero needing to charge in and save the day,' Malfoy replied, his tone amused and only slightly mocking.

'Well, someone has to do it,' I answered, blushing slightly. Swallowing my nerves, I gathered my courage and continued since it didn't seem he would do so without prompting. 'So, what are you thinking of doing after Hogwarts?'

'It's all been planned for years, so there's not much to think about. After graduation I will assume my place as the head of my family, take on the official title and duties as Lord Malfoy, marry my fiancée and produce an heir,' he listed absently, not noticing my body's sudden stillness at the mention of a fiancée.

'Y-your what?' I stammered, leaning back to look down into his perfect face.

'What are you babbling about, Potter?' he asked, opening his eyes to send me a look of confusion.

'You have a fiancée?' I asked, choking slightly on the word.

'Of course,' he replied, looking at me as though I was completely daft for not knowing as much.

'Why didn't you tell me?' I asked, my voice full of indignation.

'I assumed you knew,' Malfoy shrugged. 'What's the big deal, Potter?'

'The big deal?' I parroted, my voice becoming unwillingly high pitched as I repeated his words. 'The big deal is you've been fucking me, cheating on your fiancée for months and you don't seem the least bit remorseful!'

'I've hardly been cheating on her. Astoria knows I'm gay and that I bed whomever I wish. As purebloods our marriage has been arranged since birth. It's not as though our partnership is some great love or gift from heaven or whatever tripe it is you Gryffindors ramble on about with one another. It's merely a match of convenience. We'll marry and I'll have to fuck her until we produce an heir. Once that duty is fulfilled I'll be free to consort with whomever I like.'

I just sat there, gobsmacked, as he casually dismissed the woman he intended to marry like she was merely a vessel for his child. He was so casual and callous about the whole thing it made my stomach churn. How could someone be so detached about something so sacred?

'You talk about it like it's some sort of business transaction,' I said, my voice laced in disgust as I rose from his lap, nausea and hurt rolling over me.

'Essentially that's what it is. Why has this got your panties in such a twist, Potter?' he asked with a look of genuine confusion on his face.

'What do you think is wrong? I've been helping you cheat on your future wife,' I bit back, feeling utterly used and dirty, pangs of sympathy flowing through me for a girl I knew nothing about.

'And you don't think she's been seeing to her own needs as well? Astoria is more than aware of how these things work. No need to get up on your saintly high horse on her behalf. Besides, it's just sex, Potter,' he replied coldly.

I nearly gasped at the pain that lanced through me at his words. Just sex. Of course it was just sex. What else could it be with Draco Malfoy? How stupid was I? I felt like a complete fool for even contemplating a future with the cold ice prince before me. He would marry a woman he didn't love to further his family name and ambition and fuck someone on the side to sate his lusts. Love never entered into the picture for him and I had been utterly stupid to think that I could somehow change or influence him.

'You're right,' I said, struggling to keep my hurt and anger from spilling over into my voice or expression. 'It's just sex. I hardly care about what your plans are after you leave here. Once we graduate from Hogwarts we're done anyways.'

'We don't have to be,' he answered, rising from the bed to walk toward me, his face suddenly less aloof. Were he anyone else, I would have said he looked worried at the prospect of our arrangement ending.

'Yes, we do,' I answered firmly. 'You may have no qualms about infidelity, but it doesn't sit well with me. When we leave here you'll be marrying Astoria and I'll be back with Ginny.' Saying it out loud seemed to confirm it in my heart.

'I see,' he bit out, his face turning to stone at the mention of Ginny's name. 'Going back to the Weaslette?'

'Don't call her that,' I answered automatically.

'Of course. How rude of me,' he sneered. 'So you'll get back with her, have lots of boring sex, pop out a hundred little Potter-Weasley brats and have the life you always wanted. How charming.'

'Shut up, Malfoy,' I growled at him, angry at the return of the smarmy git I hadn't seen for months.

'Now, Potter, don't get all worked up. I think it's positively adorable,' he spat, the last word sounding more like a foul curse word than an endearment. 'In fact, allow me to extend a more appropriate congratulations.'

My eyes widened as he began to stalk toward me, a look of feral intent etched on his face. I backed away, turning to dodge him but moved too slowly. His long fingers circled my wrist in a cold vice, twisting my arm up behind my back and bringing a pained cry from my throat. Using his hold on my arm, he slammed me into the wall, the cold stone stinging my cheek as it scraped against it.

Without warning I was being impaled, Malfoy's entire hard length buried in my already abused arse to the hilt. The sudden intrusion drew a soft scream from me as my muscles twitched and protested against such abuse so soon. Rather than allow me to adjust to his harsh entry and thickness, Malfoy yanked himself nearly completely out of me and slammed back in, his cock tearing a wide path inside of me. I cried out again, tears streaming down my face as he fucked me mercilessly, my heart screaming in far more pain than my tender hole.

After a few rough thrusts, the pain lessened and I found myself getting hard. It felt so good to have Draco inside of me, even if he was using the sex as a punishment. His breath panted harsh and hot in my ear, punctuated by strangled growls. My whimpers had turned to moans and I was soon rocking with his violent thrusts, needing more of him.

'That's it, Potter. Take it you, greedy whore,' Malfoy growled, his right hand moving up to take a fistful of my hair, ripping my head back at a painful angle as he spoke. My heart lurched at the last word. He hadn't called me a whore since the day he jumped me under the Quidditch stands and I knew it was his way of bringing us back to that point in our arrangement. There would be no more soft kisses or quiet conversations. We were back to fucking, plain and simple. I wanted to sob with the realization but held back. It was better this way. Just sex. It would make it so much easier to end things if I could just detach my feelings from the act. He was helping me in the long run.

Suddenly Malfoy's thrusts slowed and became unbearable shallow. I keened, my hips thrusting backward to try and draw him in deeper, but he kept his cock out of reach, just the head dipping in and out of me with teasing movements.

'Malfoy…' I whined, not caring how pathetic I sounded.

'Beg for it, Potter. Tell me how much you want it. How much you need my cock. Tell me you're my little whore and you can have all of it,' he sneered, his fingers flexing in my hair, pulling with delicious maliciousness.

'Please, Malfoy, fuck me…I need you inside me…please,' I moaned, unable to even fight him or prolong the game.

'Say it,' he whispered harshly in my ear.

'I'm your whore, only yours,' I replied, knowing more than ever in that moment it was true. Malfoy would always own me.

'Don't you _ever _forget that,' he demanded, slamming roughly back into me. It only took a few hard thrusts and I was screaming out his name, my hot come nearly steaming on the cold, stone wall in front of me while his hot essence filled me completely.

The second he was finished, he withdrew from me, the loss of his heat along my back bringing a shiver from me. Without a word to me he cast a cleaning charm, dressed himself and headed for the door. I turned just as he grabbed the door handle and sent a smirk over his shoulder.

'Congratulations, Potter,' he said mockingly before he opened the door and sauntered out.

I stood against the wall for another few moments, staring at the spot where he had been. It was over. The thought went through me like ice and I stumbled over to the bed, sinking onto it gingerly as I placed my head in my hands. My heart broke with the knowledge and I didn't fight the tears that came. Once I had finished sobbing my grief to the empty room, I stood and began to dress.

This was for the best. I had wanted answers and had gotten them. Malfoy would never be mine. I would be beyond foolish to base any future plans around such a cold and detached snake. It hurt that I had lost what we'd had those past few months; the companionship and caring, but at least I now knew where I stood. I knew what my decision was going to be.

After that night, I began to distance myself from Malfoy and focus on Ginny. The Slytherin and I still met for the occasional fuck, but as predicted there were no more words, no more little comforts. It was just pure animalistic fucking. Scratching an itch and ensuring that my emotions were secured. Though, if I were honest with myself I didn't really need to meet Malfoy to top up my emotions any more. Just the thought of him, my memories of our encounters were enough to keep me feeling, even if they were becoming bittersweet.

Ginny was basking in the attention I showered her with, her casual touches and flirtations growing with each passing day, though I had yet to formally reestablish our relationship. I would catch her looking at me - that question in her eyes more often than not - but never brought up the subject. I wasn't about to ask her out when I was still seeing Malfoy, even if we were just fucking. I suppose I could have ended things with the blond, but in the end I wanted as much of him as I could get before I was forced to give him up. We spent the last two weeks of term meeting in the room of requirement, coming together for frantic trysts that left me sated, yet wanting more.

The final night before summer holidays, I crawled wearily into my cold bed, the scent of Malfoy still covering my skin, and fought the urge to give in to his suggestion that we see each other after Hogwarts. I wanted so badly to keep seeing him, but the last thing I wanted was to be his dark secret. I couldn't do that to myself. As much as Malfoy might mock me for it, I really did want the fairy tale. I wanted him to love _me_, not just my body. I didn't want to hide and sneak about; I wanted to tell everyone we belonged to each other. But it would never happen and thinking that way was only going to make things harder in the end.

The day dawned bright and cheerful and full of possibility. I cursed the day for being so gorgeous when I felt so horrible on the inside. As I packed my belongings, I fought not to think about Draco. My roommates were in high spirits and filled the room with jokes, tales and laughter as we all prepared to leave the castle for the final time.

'Harry, you alright, mate?' Ron asked when I failed to laugh at one of Seamus' jokes.

'Huh? Oh yeah, Ron. I'm fine. Just going to miss this place,' I replied, stamping out the voice in my head that ended the sentence with '_and Draco'._

'Yeah, it's been an adventure,' he acknowledged with a small smile before he moved back to his four-poster and finished his packing.

All too soon it was time to leave. The lads hurried out of the room, eager to get on with their summer holidays. I took my time gathering the last of my things and shut them safely away before grabbing Hedwig's cage as well as my trunk and headed for the door. Turning briefly, I took in the sight of the dorm that had been home for the past eight years. So many things had happened within these walls; some good, some bad, and all a part of making me who I was now. I couldn't have asked for a better place to grow up. I would miss it so much.

'Harry, we're going to miss the train!' Ginny called up the stairs.

'Coming!' I shouted back. With one last wistful smile, I closed the door and said goodbye to my childhood.

As we entered the train I kept my eyes on my feet, determined not to seek out that shock of white hair. The school year was over and it was time to move on. This was the mantra I chanted to myself as I followed Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Ginny through the hallway of the train and into an empty compartment. I breathed a sigh of relief once we closed the compartment door, happy to be cut off from the rest of the train and I felt safe from the blond that was fighting for supremacy in my traitorous thoughts.

Ignoring the images that swam in my head, I turned my attention to my friends and the conversation in the compartment. We talked for a long while, each of us sharing our memories of Hogwarts; the good, bad, and embarrassing. It was bittersweet and full of nostalgia and I nearly succeeded in stifling my longing for Malfoy. In honor of our final train ride we bought copious amounts of sweets from the trolley, a veritable feast of junk food spread between us. Just as I was about to unwrap a Chocolate Frog, the witch pushing the Trolley slipped me a tiny gold box and began to push her way through the corridor once more. Frowning at the unexpected package, I stood, excusing myself from my friends and followed her.

'Sorry, Ma'am,' I called, halting her. 'Sorry to bother you but I didn't pay for this,' I told her, holding up the expensive-looking box.

'You don't have to pay for it, it's been taken care of,' she told me with a kind smile before continuing to the next compartment.

I stood in the hallway with a confused expression, the box glittering in my hands. After a moment my curiosity got the better of me and I opened it with caution. Inside I found a single gold sweet along with a scrap of parchment. I bypassed the sweet, as pretty as it was, apprehensive about eating something sent by an unknown person and opened the parchment.

_Baggage Car_

There was no signature, though I knew his elegant scrawl by now. Biting my lip I debated whether or not I should meet him. The logical side of my brain screamed at me for even considering it. I knew if I saw him again I would just be torturing myself and would likely do something that I would regret. Unfortunately, my logical brain seemed to be a very tiny voice overpowered by my heart and body's desire to comply with Malfoy's wishes. It couldn't hurt to say goodbye to him. We deserved that closure at the very least. It's not like we were going to do anything. I would go and thank him for helping me get my emotions back, we'd shake hands and I would go back to my friends with a sense of freedom.

Stuffing the tiny box and note into the pocket of my robes I hurried down the corridor toward the last car of the train. As I reached the door to the luggage car, I disillusioned myself and slipped inside. Locking the door behind me, I turned and looked around the cluttered car seeing no sign of Malfoy. I made my way down an aisle of trunks, calling Malfoy's name softly. When no answer came, I began to second-guess my decision to meet him. Just as I was about to turn back, a flash of silver caught my eye. I doubled back and rounded the corner, my breath catching in my throat as I caught sight of the gorgeous Slytherin leaning casually against a stack of trunks, his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

'Glad you could make it, Potter,' he said softly, the intensity of his tone belying the smirk that graced his perfect lips.

I could only stare dumbly, all self-assurances that I wouldn't do anything stupid flying out the proverbial window as I drank in the sight of his perfect features. Without a word or conscious thought I found myself moving forward to cover his lips with my own, effectively ridding him of his trademark smirk.

It was the first kiss we'd shared in weeks and it was heaven. Draco's sweet taste permeated my senses, ridding my mind of anything but him. Any fear of him rejecting my kiss was lost the second I covered his mouth with mine. There was no hesitation in him as his hands found their way to my waist and he pulled my body tight against his, his head tilting as those glorious lips parted, drinking me in. Our tongues dueled gently and I felt a rush of love and want slam through me. One kiss and the man had me completely lost and trembling with desire. We stood, locked together for Merlin knows how long before I regained my sense and forced my lips from his, moving just far enough away to allow myself to speak.

'What is this, Malfoy? I thought we agreed this ended after we left Hogwarts,' I murmured, confused by his sudden tenderness and the look of want in his eyes. This was not the Malfoy I'd seen the last two weeks and his sudden turnabout in personality had me reeling.

'We're still on Hogwarts property,' he pointed out, his hands sliding gently beneath my robes and shirt to tease the flesh of my torso.

I wanted to argue with him, tell him we already had our last romp the night before, but the feel of his fingertips on my skin coupled with the look on his face had me nodding weakly and leaning in for another sweet kiss. Denying him was futile. I wanted this as much as he did.

As our mouths danced together, his hands began to work at my clothes; sliding my cloak off, deftly unbuttoning my shirt and sending it to the floor, long fingers slipped each trouser button through it's hole, caressing every bit of skin he revealed with something akin to reverence. Each pass of his hands had me shiver, my own hands shaking as I worked to remove his clothes, my head tilting back as his lips moved from my mouth to trail down the side of my neck.

Draco licked and sucked at all the sensitive points of my neck and chest, each touch making me burn hotter and hotter inside. Suddenly, I felt cool air meet my heated flesh and there I was, standing before him, naked and shivering with want. He stood slowly, kissing his way back up to my face before taking my lips once more, allowing my fingers to work at removing his trousers. Once we were both naked, he wrapped his arms around me and brought us flush against each other, our erections rubbing together with delicious friction, wringing moans from both of us.

I thrust my hips into his; grinding our cocks together in a teasing motion before I moved to give him my back, ready to be fucked as always. A hand on my arm stopped me and turned me back to face him. I stared at him, confused.

'Malfoy?' I breathed, my voice laden with lust.

Without another word he backed up and sat against a low stack of trunks. Pushing himself further onto the lid of the topmost trunk, he leaned back, bracing his upper body with his forearm. He brought his feet to the edge and spread his legs; his molten eyes never leaving mine. I stared, utterly gobsmacked and more turned on that I'd ever been in my life, taking in the sight of the mighty Draco Malfoy laid out in front of me like some hedonistic feast of flesh. He couldn't want what I thought he did, could he?

'Malfoy?' I repeated, practically growling the word as I forced myself to stay still, not willing to move until he told me what he was doing.

'Fuck me, Potter,' he whispered, his gaze burning into mine. It was all I could do not to come on the spot. Malfoy never bottomed. He liked to be in control at all times and I had thought he considered bottoming as a sign of weakness. I never imagined he'd give himself to me this way and yet there he was, legs spread wantonly, presenting his body to me fully.

'Are you sure?' I asked before I could stop myself, ever the consummate Gryffindor.

Instead of answering he waved his hand and performed a wandless preparation spell, readying himself for me without hesitation. I swallowed hard, my eyes wandering down to the now slick entrance to his body. It seemed he was sure. Without further prompting I moved to stand between his legs, running my hands from his knees and down his thighs, determined not to rush this experience. This would be my last chance to make love to this man and I wanted to make it count.

I let my hands trail across his skin, following their path with my lips and tongue, reveling in each gasp and hitch I brought from the blond. When I reached his face, I took his lips and worked them with my own as I slipped a finger into his readied entrance, dipping the digit in and out a few times, teasing the ring. Draco's reaction was instantaneous, his hips arching up into my hand as he sought more penetration. I smiled against his mouth and obliged with another finger. Technically I could fuck him as he was but I drew out the unnecessary stretching, allowing the foreplay to drive him crazy as I prepared to take him. I wanted him completely loose and at my mercy.

After a few minutes of stimulation, he finally reached up and pulled my hair, dragging my face to look into his dark grey eyes. The look on his face said it all. He wanted to be fucked right then and there and if he wasn't, there would be hell to pay. I sent him a devious grin and teased him gently a few more times before I removed my fingers and lined myself up at his entrance.

Performing another wandless spell, I slicked my cock, determined to hurt him as little was possible. I guided the head of my cock to rest against his twitching entrance, pausing briefly to look into Draco's eyes before I allowed myself to push the tip in. His eyes shuttered and his breath panted out of him on a moan as he slowly took my length, only the slightest hint of pain evident on his face. Once I was fully seated inside of the Slytherin, I paused, allowing the blond's body time to adjust to my length as well as keeping myself from coming too soon. The tight heat that enveloped me was utterly indescribable. It was like no pleasure I'd ever felt in my life and my body shook with the effort it took not slide out and thrust violently back into that heat.

After a moment, Draco nodded and I slowly slid myself out and back in, mouth open on a silent moan as pleasure assaulted me in waves. His body was amazing, accepting me as though we were made for one another. Grey eyes never left mine as I gradually picked up a rhythm, his face alive with intense emotion. All of Malfoy's defenses seemed to have dropped and his soul seemed bared to me as I moved in and out of him. I loved him more than ever in that moment.

Overwhelmed by love and gratitude, I began to thrust harder into him, searching for the spot inside of him that I knew would make him cry out in ultimate pleasure. He moaned in time with my thrusts, hips raising to meet mine with every movement, but it wasn't until he cried out, grabbing my forearms and arching his head back that I knew I'd found that spot.

Grinning with feral intent I maintained that angle and began to strike it again and again, tearing sound after glorious sound from that pale throat. In that moment I owned him. He was mine wholly and completely and always would be. Suddenly I needed to hear him say it. Just once.

'Who do you belong to, Malfoy?' I demanded, embolden by the helpless moans of pleasure I was bringing from him. Draco's head snapped forward again, his lust-darkened eyes clearing for a moment as they met mine and he whispered, 'You,' without an ounce of hesitation.

I faltered in my thrusts for a moment, utterly surprised and rocked to the core by his bold admittance. Though I had asked, I hadn't actually expected him to answer; and certainly not with _that_answer. The emotions that flooded through me at that single word were so intense I had to close my eyes against their assault. Opening them once more, I stared into his face with determination and began to move again, every thrust sliding over his prostate. He kept his eyes one me this time as he let loose a cry of unadulterated pleasure. I kept up a relentless pace, pounding into the blond in a steady rhythm that had us both panting and straining for more. As I moved inside of him, my hands trailed over his body, worshiping each glistening inch of flesh I could reach before I brought my right one down and wrapped it around his weeping erection.

Draco cried out once more, his hips bucking as I stroked his length in time with my thrusts. Soon his head was moving from side to side, the moans increasing as he neared his peak. Sensing his impending orgasm, I sped up my strokes and allowed myself to let go completely, slamming into his tight hole with reckless abandon. Draco's legs wrapped around my waist in a vice-like grip as his heels dug into my arse, spurring me on even more, bringing me in as deep as he could.

All of the sudden, Draco came hard with a shout of, 'Harry,' as ribbon after ribbon of pearly fluid shot from the tip of his cock, coating his chest. The combination of his inner walls tightening around me, coupled with the sound of my name from his lips sent me careening violently over the edge. I saw stars as I shot stream after stream of come into his arse, filling him completely. I kept thrusting, wringing every last bit of pleasure from him that I could.

When I was finally spent, I slowed my movements, withdrew my softening prick and allowed myself to collapse onto Draco's chest. I had to be crushing the life out of him but the Slytherin said nothing. Rather than the complaints I expected, he wrapped shaky arms around my sweaty form and took up his old hobby of trailing his fingers along my skin. I closed my eyes in bliss at the wonderful feeling of Draco touching me. I could have stayed there forever in his arms.

We took our time dressing, drawing out the inevitable parting of ways as long as possible. We both seemed intent on stalling, shooting sidelong glances at one another. It seemed neither of us wanted to be the first to leave, to end it, though we would never admit it out loud. As the train began to slow, approaching King's Cross, we turned to face each other one last time.

'Listen, Malfoy, I wanted to say thank you. For everything,' I said, breaking the silence.

'I hardly suffered for it,' he replied with a smug grin. I smiled back, knowing I didn't need to say anything more.

'This doesn't change anything does it?' he asked suddenly, already seeming to know the answer.

'Are you still getting married?' I asked. He nodded.

'No, it doesn't change anything,' I answered, the words ringing with finality and filled with sadness. He smiled softly, his face full of affection and exasperation, no doubt annoyed with my Gryffindor stubbornness to do what was right.

'Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me,' he replied moving closer to me as he reached out to tidy my hair in an intimate gesture.

'Yeah,' I breathed, though we both knew I wouldn't be taking him up on the open invitation.

Moving forward, I caught his lips with mine once more, his face cupped gently in my face as I poured myself into the kiss. I used my lips, tongue and hands to say what I could not voice aloud, each caress screaming _I love you,_ the words pounding through my head on an endless cycle as I devoured him. His hands flew up to clench in my hair as he passionately returned the kiss, matching my intensity with everything he had. My heart cried out to me, demanding that I throw caution to the wind and keep this, damn the cost. I never wanted to let him go. But he wasn't mine to keep.

With that thought, I slowed the kiss, gentling my assault before I pulled away. I leaned my forehead against his for a moment, nuzzling his nose with my own as I looked deep into his swirling silver eyes, eyes that, for once, were completely unshielded and begging me to reconsider my decision. I looked deep into those perfect mercurial orbs and whispered, 'Goodbye, Draco.'

I watched his eyes fill with pain and resignation, and stood frozen for a moment, fascinated by the rare glimpse into Draco Malfoy's soul. A tiny voice cursed at me, insisting I was making a mistake, but I stifled the voice viciously. There would be no going back. With one final stroke of my hand through the softness of his hair, I stepped away from him and forced myself to turn and walk toward the car door. Just as I stepped through the door, I heard the softest whisper of, 'Goodbye, Harry.'

Pain lanced through me as the door slid shut on my name. I stood in the corridor outside the car, leaning against the portal as a single tear trailed softly down my cheek. I allowed myself a moment to grieve my loss before taking a deep breath, pushing forcefully away from the door and wiping violently at the lone tear. I had shed my tears for Draco. It wouldn't do any good to give him more.

I headed down the corridor to the train toilets and tried to straighten myself before I returned to my friends. Running a hand through my hair, I managed to tame the raven locks into some semblance of it's usual rat's nest, splashed water on my face and performed a subtle glamour on my face and neck to hide any obvious remnants from the encounter as well as any signs of distress that I wasn't able to control. As I stared at my reflection I recited the reasons for my decision over and over again, reminding myself why I wasn't going to give up and run back to Draco. It was better this way and I wouldn't allow my emotions to ruin the rest of my life. I belonged with Ginny and it was time I took that step and left my last year at Hogwarts behind me. I would go back to the compartment, rekindle my romance with Ginny, get married and build the life I was always meant to have. Draco Malfoy would stay safely hidden in my past and we'd both have what we wanted.

I was jolted from my inner pep talk as the train screeched to a halt in front of Platform nine and three quarters. Running one last check over myself, I hurried back to my compartment just as the others were gathering their bags.

'Harry, there you are! Where have you been?' Ginny asked, a worried expression on her face. I smiled hastily; ignoring the suspicious look Hermione shot my way.

'I just needed some time alone, Gin. Sorry to worry you,' I answered.

'Oh,' she remarked, looking a bit hurt that I had felt the need to be away from her. As the others began to file out of the compartment I reached out and wrapped my hand around the redhead's wrist.

'Wait, Gin, can I talk to you for a second before we go out there?' I asked, eager to get things in motion. I knew if I didn't do it now and was faced with Draco again I might never do it.

'Sure, Harry,' she said, hope springing into her brown eyes as she motioned Hermione and Ron to go without them. Once the others had gone I shut the door to the compartment and turned to face her. For a moment I just stood there, unable to make the words come out.

'Harry? What's going on?' she asked, prodding me gently.

'I…um…I've been thinking…erm…well…that is…' I stuttered.

'About us?' she finished for me.

'Yes,' I replied in a gust of air, grateful for her ability to understand my fumbling.

'It's okay, Harry, you don't have to be nervous. What have you been thinking?' she prompted, obviously charmed by my uneasiness. Little did she know, the reason for my reticence was probably still lingering in the baggage car. I took a cleansing breath, bore down on my instinct to abandon my plan and forged ahead.

'I was thinking we should give us another chance. I love you, Ginny, and I want to be with you, if you'll have me?' I professed with a weak smile.

'Oh, Harry,' she squealed, throwing herself into my arms and burying her face in my shoulder. I allowed my arms to encircle her, trying to get used to the feel of her in my arms. This was what was right. She was made for me and this was my future.

Pulling back, she leaned in and kissed me enthusiastically. My lips still tingled from my final kiss with Draco. The thought spurred me on and I kissed her deeper, determined to erase the blond from my mind. It nearly worked.

Finally, I broke the kiss, pulling back from her and running the back of my knuckles across her flushed face.

'We'd better get going before Ron finds us in here and throws a fit,' I said softly.

'Ron can get stuffed,' she answered with a grin, though she complied and rose from the seat. Grabbing our bags, I reached out my hand and led her off the train to meet an impatient group of Weasleys.

'Cor, what took so long? We thought you'd decided to go back to Hogwarts for another year,' Ron complained.

'We were just talking,' I answered.

'We're back together,' Ginny announced with a huge grin as she leaned in to accept rounds of congratulations.

'That's wonderful news!'

'We knew you'd end up back together. Such a fine couple,' Molly gushed.

'It's about time you've come to your senses. I suppose it goes without saying if you hurt her again I'll have to kill you, best mate or not,' Ron threatened.

'I know Ron. Don't worry, I won't fuck it up again,' I assured him with a smile. As he turned back to the group, a flash of white caught my eye. I looked past Ron's shoulder and into deep silver eyes. We stared across the platform for a moment, just gazing at one another before the blond gave a barely perceptible nod, turned and glided off the platform and out of my life.

I stared at the spot where he'd been for a few moments before Ginny's voice brought me back to myself.

'Harry, is everything okay?' she asked, her eyes following the line of my gaze to find nothing.

'Everything is just as it's supposed to be,' I answered cryptically. I looked down at her and caught her curious expression before leaning down to kiss her lightly, wiping away the confusion.

'Oi! Cut that out and let's get going, I'm starved!' Ron cut in, yanking on my arm.

'What else is new?' Hermione asked sarcastically. Ron cried out in indignation and the pair began to argue as they followed the group of Weasley's onto the main station.

I just smiled at their antics, wrapped my arm around Ginny's waist and followed the bickering pair off the platform and into the future.

A/N: Yes this is the last chapter and where this part of the story ends. Don't kill me! Even though it's the end of this story, it's not the end for Harry and Draco in this universe. I will be writing a sequel eventually, hopefully with a happier ending than this one. Thanks for all the reviews and support for this story! The next one will be more upbeat, I promise!

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